No Time Left To Regret

Chapter 8

Joe drove Jonathan and I back home. He helped me inside with the baby.

"I'm glad that's over and we can move on to being a family." Joe smiled as he wrapped his arms around me.

"This was probably the worse day of my life. Your Dad hates me for trapping you with a baby. I knew this would happen." I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his scent.

"It doesn't really matter what he thinks. I am not a kid anymore. In fact I am a grown man with a son of my own now, he can't tell me what to do anymore." Joe affirmed, squeezing me against him. I had to admit it felt good to be back in his arms.

"But Joe I really didn't want this to cause problems between you and your family. I am such a home wrecker." I cringed as I turned my head, now resting on Joe's shoulder.

"You are not, we wouldn't be in this mess if I had told them 8 months ago like I should have." Joe replied rubbing my back.

I lifted my head, looking up at him.

"I still wish you would have just come out and told them when we found out I was expecting. This has been a nightmare, one that's far from over. We still have to release the news to the public and to your fans. I doubt this will go over well with any of them." I frowned.

Joe leaned down giving me a kiss that lead into a few more kisses. I pulled away, stopping anything further from happening between us.

"You know I love your kisses but this is how we got in trouble the first time." I reminded him.

"I know, we'll take things slower. I'm sorry. I just missed you." Joe's eyes twinkled. His luscious brown eyes were so enchanting. I quickly changed the subject before I faltered and gave into my desires and attacked Joe.

"We should get some lunch." I suggested, looking towards the kitchen.

"Good idea" Joe nodded as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen.

Joe sat across from me at the small kitchen table, hungrily consuming the lasagna I warmed up from the previous day.

"So, how have you been? Really?" Joe said between mouthfuls. "Excellent lasagna, by the way."

"Thank you." I happily acknowledged. "I've been a mess, really. I was preparing to raise a child on my own. Can't expect that to be easy."

Joe placed his fork on his dish. Ignoring his meal, he reached the small distance across the table and squeezed my hand. "I am so sorry about that. You believe me, don't you?"

I nodded solemnly. "I do believe you, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened," I explained. "Like when I starting having contractions six months into my pregnancy... I had to go through that all alone."

"You never told me that." Joe said pointedly. "I never knew you had any complications when you were pregnant."

"You weren't here; how was I supposed to tell you?" I retorted bitterly.

That remark hit him hard just like I knew it would. We were supposed to be trying to make this work - not fight - but he asked.

"I know I wasn't here!" Joe shouted. "I should have been and I'm sorry for the millionth time that I wasn't here for you and that baby! I should have been there for every doctor's appointment and when you were scared, and I'm sorry I wasn't."

"I know." I replied sincerely. "I know you're sorry, and I didn't mean to be rude. I was just explaining why I didn't tell you."

Joe picked up his fork and continued to eat his lunch. "Fine. Whatever."

I sighed, frustrated. "I'll tell you what happened if you still want to know."

Joe nodded. "Yeah, I would like to know."

"When I was six months pregnant, I started feeling contractions so I went to the hospital and I was just Braxton-Hicks contractions - false labor. It was really nothing." I waved my hand for emphasis.

Joe frowned, noting my nonchalant attitude as I spoke of my brief scare.

"You didn't know that at the time. You were scared and I wasn't there for you - end of story." Joe said sadly.

Despite my better judgment, I found myself moving around the table, setting myself on his lap and putting my arms around him. "You're here now, and I'm fine and Jonathan is fine." I affirmed. "Can we just start over, pretend this conversation didn't happen?"

Joe's arms tightened around my waist, kissing my lips softly, letting his mouth linger on mine. "I'd love that." Joe whispered. "I love you."

I smiled and kissed him again, not allowing a response to his confession. I wouldn't allow myself that sort of attachment again just yet.

*

A little while later while Joe and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV, Jonathan woke up from his nap and started crying. I leaned over to pick him up but Joe leaned over me.

"Let me take care of him." he offered with a smile.

"Alright, if you insist." I replied sitting back.

"Hey little guy. Need a diaper change?" Joe knelt down on the floor and laid the baby down on the changing mat. He took the baby's pants off and began to unlatch the diaper tabs. He bent the front back. Joe turned his head away in disgust. "Wow, how can a smell so foul come from something so small?"

"It happens and he'll be doing a lot more of that, so get used to it." I chuckled.

"Mommy's so funny, a regular comedian, huh JJ?" Joe spoke softly while smiling at the baby as he cleaned him up.

Joe leaned over and got a new diaper from the bag and put it on the baby. He lifted the baby up in front of him, outstretched just a little.

"Hey, my first diaper change! How did I do?" Joe said, smiling proudly while looking at me.

I looked over at Joe and laughed.

"What's so funny?" He asked hurt.

"Well, it would be better if the diaper stayed on him." I replied, pointing to the baby.

Joe turned to look at Jonathan.

"Oh, no! I must not have put the tabs on tight enough. I just didn't want to hurt him."

Then Jonathan started peeing on Joe's leg.

"Hey, hey, stop that! Let me get a diaper back on you before you start going the bathroom!" Joe scolded JJ, while lying the baby back down and putting the diaper back on him.

I couldn't help but laugh at Joe. Seeing him trying his best to be a Father. But I couldn't shake this thought from the back of my mind -- 'What if he got tired of this and decided to leave?'

After Jonathan's diaper was fastened more securely. Joe got up from the floor, cradled Jonathan in the crook of his arm, he sat back down next to me.

"You seem to be an old pro for being a first time Dad." I affirmed, gesturing to JJ, trying to doze off in Joe's arms.

"Not really. The baby sitting course I took a few years ago is helping but I have never taken care of a newborn before so this will take some getting used to. But I'm ready for it." Joe nodded in affirmation.

Joe turned and looked me in the eyes, he leaned in. "Thank you for giving me a son, he's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time." and with that he gave me a sweet kiss on the lips.

"Your welcome, Daddy." I whispered with a slight giggle.

Joe looked down at Jonathan, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I can't wait until he starts calling me that."

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