Forever and Always (A Harry Styles Fan Fiction)

CHAPTER 25: Now

I open my eyes and there is a split second of ominous silence before the sound begins. Another beep coming from the heart monitor—but this time, it doesn’t stop.

My chair clatters backwards as I stand up, staring at the flat green line on the dark screen. I am screaming for help, but I can already hear the door being thrown open behind me. A blur of white coats shove me backwards and the doctors rush in front of me, blocking my view. My throat burns and I am crying hysterically, trying to push through the gap between the bodies. I can hear the defibrillator paddles send a shock of electricity through his chest.

“Don’t hurt him!” My words are barely coherent, even to my own ears.

Strong arms appear out of nowhere, holding me back, and I try desperately to wrench myself out of their grip. The force is unrelenting and I find myself being pulled out of the room. As I cry his name, the high-pitched tone is still ringing in my ears. The beeping jumps irregularly for a second before the door suddenly shuts in front of me.

All is quiet now, except for my own screams echoing through the hall. My brain cannot process anything as I am hauled down a dark corridor, and I am terrified of the sounds coming from my mouth. The second I am released, I throw myself against the wall.

“No!” The shrill cries emerging from my mouth don’t sound human. My fists begin heedlessly battering the plaster and I can feel the bruises developing on the sides of my hands. It doesn’t take long for my weak legs to give out from under me, overcome by a flood of exhaustion, and I slide down against the wall, collapsing in a heap. I curl up in a tight ball, the sobs bursting from my chest forcefully. I am shaking so severely that I can barely breathe and my lungs beg for oxygen through ragged breaths. A voice suddenly speaks above me and I remember that I am not alone.

“They can still save him, Jenny.”

I look up to see Yerza standing in front of me, the arms that had pulled me back now hugging her body tightly.

I don’t respond. I can’t speak. I can’t think. It feels as if a stake has been stabbed through me and I clutch my chest, trying to keep my heart from being thrust out of my body.

“They’re administering electric shock, there’s still a chance.” Her voice is too small and thin, too hopeless.

I squeeze my eyes shut, willing for the pain to stop. It’s everywhere, my head, my heart, my entire body aches. The energy in me has burned out and I am left with a numb and hollow emptiness. I can feel Yerza watching me, but I don’t acknowledge her concerned gaze. I am only focusing on the last thing I heard before I was pulled out of the room—the sudden skip of a heartbeat that had interrupted the flat, lifeless tone. My breathing gradually slows and I take deep breaths. I would know if something happened, wouldn’t I? Something tells me that all is not lost.

I flinch as something cold and metallic is pressed into my hand. I open my eyes, staring at the rectangular object in my palm. My throat almost closes upon itself as I recognize the familiar words etched in worn metal. It can’t be.

“Where did you get this?” I manage to choke out, raising my head.

Yerza looks at me and speaks with almost a hint of fear in her voice. “Your friend Louis told me to give this to you before he left a few hours ago. He said it would be best for you to have it after… After this is all over.” She pauses, a softness in her eyes. I do not have time to prepare myself for her next words, but even if I had, I would not have been able to handle it. “He said this is what Harry went back for.”

I stiffen, clutching the object tighter in my hand.

“Jenny—”

“No,” I whisper. Slowly, I shake my head, as if denial could possibly change everything that had happened. I look up, begging to be left alone. Yerza looks at me uncertainly, but seems to understand and silently turns around.

As the sound of Yerza’s footsteps quietly disappear down the hallway, I sit, frozen in my spot. Slowly, my hands unwind the wire from around the music player. I push the button and the harsh, bright light is glaring in the darkness as I stare at the most recently added song displayed on the screen. Almost unconsciously, I put in the earphones and before I can change my mind, I press play. The second I hear his voice, I lose my composure and a sob breaks out of my throat.

Before I go, please know I'm trying. Trying to be a better man.

I close my eyes and bury my head in between my knees, trying to stifle the emotions welling up inside me. The tears begin to fall freely, splashing onto the tile floor. I see nothing, feel nothing; his voice fills my ears and it’s the only thing that keeps me from completely breaking apart.

Jenny, don't you cry. Close your eyes, everything is gonna be alright.

I inhale a deep, shuddering breath. I can’t believe it. Everything from the previous night comes rushing back to me, and I suddenly understand. But I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember any of it.

Jenny, take my hand. Understand, I will try to be a better man.

Why did he have to turn back? It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. If only I had stopped him. If only I had gone out earlier. It’s too late now.

Without you there is no me… Jenny.

Harry. I’m so sorry.

The guilt tears at my heart and I let out an anguished cry as I open my hand and drop the iPod. It clatters onto the ground, the sound bouncing off the walls of the empty hall. I open my eyes and, through the tears, I can read the words facing up at me. The dim light reflects off of the sliver engraving, casting a soft glint on the letters.

Happy 6-month anniversary! I love you, Jenny. Forever and always.