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"This is a bad idea daddy. Scott barely has his learner's." I hear Kate say and proceeds to question Dad about why he left the congregation for good. We all wanted to know why he stopped believing in God; Scott and I were more prudent then Kate.
It's not like we could say that Kyle lied, I wish I could but Dad did not deny it. He is hiding something, maybe it's just to painful for him to recall. Every time the topic is brought up he instantly looks down, it's as if he was ashamed of something.
I do remember how Scott, Kate, and I were forced to go to church, many times we didn't want to but our parents still took us. We were taught that the only way to live was God's way. Though they were always open minded about things. When I started to question my sexuality they spoke to me with such gentleness. They didn't judge, they listened to what I had to say and only spoke after I expressed the way I feel. I remember mom saying, "Lili, thank you for trusting us enough to tell us how you feel. You should know that you have the right to like whoever you want. You will always be our babygirl. We will love you no matter what you do." Whereas dad just nodded, giving me this bright smile; hugging me the entire time. He said, "Being straight doesn't mean you'll automatically go to heaven. It doesn't mean that God will welcome you with open arms."
He was full of faith, I can understand if mom's death changed something in him. People can change their minds, religion is a personal topic, if you feel it, you feel it, but if you don't, that's alright.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts as I hear Scott speak. "Why'd you gotta be such a beyotch?" Reading one of his magazines he averts his eyes to Kate. I looked out the window waiting for Dad to come back.
"I don't know. Maybe because he's going against everything he's ever believed his entire life."
My palm instantly collides with my thigh. The smack making both of them look at me. "Well aren't you one to talk."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Seriously," I glared, "you were going to run away with Kyle! And why do you keep asking Dad about mom's accident? Do you think he had something to do with her death?"
She immediately gawks turning to look at Scott and then back to me.
"Do you think I'm stupid?" Scott touched my shoulder trying to comfort me. "You really thought I wouldn't listen every time you brought it up? If you know something, don't you think you should tell us?"
"Yeah Kate, why do you care? Sometimes it seems like you think it's his fault."
"I never said that. I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry." She admits walking to sit next to us. "I don't know how to do this."
"Do what?" He responds looking down at his magazine.
"Dad is losing it, He is not in a good place now. But we never had to worry about that kind of stuff because Mom always knew how to take care of him and us. Mom always knew what to do and I can't take her place; I don't know how to be mom."
"Then don't try to be."
—— —— ——
"Where's Kate?" I ask Scott noticing as Dad had just started the RV, reversing the it—it collided with something.
Hearing a high shriek, "Dad! Stop!" Scott pleas running out the RV once he turns off the engine. "Dad, what the hell?!" I run after them. Seeing a bewildered Kate on the ground. "You alright?"
"Oh, my God, Kate."
"I'm fine." She softly says looking at the scratches on her palms.
"Katey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Dad apologizes, repeating himself multiple times. His eyes red full of worry.
Panting Kate gets up, "I think I'm going to drive." She stretches her hand out waiting for Dad to hand over the keys.
Scott and Kate walk away leaving Dad and I alone. "I'll get the Tylenol, you go lie down. C'mon." I nudge my head to the direction of the RV.
