He Only Comes Once (Doctor Who FanFiction)

34. Secrets and Stories

34. Secrets and Stories

Those same arms were around me when I woke up. My hand reached toward my face and wiped a few tears that were running down. No nightmares, nor sad dreams came to me last night so I thought it extremely weird. My body shivered as I understood what happened to me. The Weapon was getting closer to me, no matter how far away it was from me, it has poisoned my heart with hate and an extremely vicious nature. I looked up at the Doctor's sleeping face, how at peace he was with his life? He had Amy to look after him and she would definitely do just that. He didn't need me in the slightest bit. He doesn't need to know.

"Never will you know." I whispered aloud.

"Wha?" The Doctor muttered as he sat up a bit. I could feel his muscles unwind and could hear his back pop.

"I'm sorry." I said as I looked into his eyes.

"What are you sorry for?" His eyes traced the contours of my face, trying to figure out what I meant.

"I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean for you to fall asleep here. You should be off on an adventure. Saving the people of the Universe."

"Shh." He spoke calmly. "You have to realize that if I lost you, then there would be no point in an adventure."

"Doctor. You have already lost me. More than once. I don't even know how many times I've disappeared. Whether if it was with my own volition or not."

"Starlit. What happened yesterday?" He knew. Of course he knew. If he didn't, be wouldn't be here.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I know you do. I see it in your eyes. You can trust me."

"I can't trust myself though."

"Are you worried that you will tell me a lie?"

"Who says that I am not a lie?"

"I can say that. Completely honest. No matter what."

"No Doctor. You can't trust me."

"Then tell me what's wrong."

I could feel more tears slipping down my face. I started to get up from his hold but he grabbed my wrist.

"Just tell me Star." He whispered with pleading eyes.

"I would say that if I told you, I would have to kill you. But that's too cliche. In the real world, you would kill me." With that I got out of his grasp and walked off.

He must never know.
He must never know.
He must never know.

I thought to myself as I walked out to the front. I knew the TARDIS would be parked there, but I didn't expect Amy to be standing in the doorway.

"Hey Pumpkin Spice." I greeted her, trying to sound happy. That nickname I always used when trying to avoid something.

"What's wrong?" She blurted out. She was catching on quickly.

"No point in denying it." I whispered to myself before I answered. "How did you know?"

"Your eyes tell so much more about you than any other pair of eyes I have seen."

"I'll take that as a compliment then."

"Seriously Star. You need to stop this. You make everything your fault. Why do you punish yourself?"

"Because there is no other person to punish."

"Come here." Amelia opened up her arms, indicating for me to go hug her, but I felt cautious of the TARDIS's presence.

"I'd rather not."

Amelia's eyes grew with mock pain. "Are you refusing one of my hugs? How dare you?"

"It's not you."

"Let me guess. It's you. Right?"

"No, it's something else."

Amelia didn't seem to care, she came out of the TARDIS doorframe and wrapped her arms around my shaking body. "Star. What's wrong? You're shaking as though you've seen a ghost."

"If only it was a ghost." I whispered back, but mostly to myself. I didn't want any more questions to be asked of me.

I looked into Amy's eyes, they were staring at something behind me, most likely the Doctor. My guessing skills have improved because he walked around us and steppes into the TARDIS quickly, avoiding me. It's a good thing he is. He'll thank me later for that, hopefully.

"So where are we going now Doctor?" Amy slipped out of our hug and yelled into the TARDIS.

"It's a surprise. More or less." Then the Doctor blushed, ever so slightly. Only one with my improved eyesight could have seen it. Looks like he has something to tell me later too.

"Please come with Star." Amy pleaded.

"You know I can't." I replied, trying to get out of her grasp.

"I know you can't, but why I cannot tell."

"It is better when everything is kept that way."

"I still believe you need a confidant. Your 'secrets' need a place other than your head."

"My thick, unforgiving head."

"So are you coming?"

"Do I really have a choice?"

"Nope." Amy's grasp on my wrist became tighter and she pulled me into the TARDIS.

This TARDIS, this interior, I've seen it before, I knew it. All in the forgotten world of pain and loss. The crack in the skin of the Universe.

"What's wrong?" The Doctor asked. He tried not to seem worried. I must have looked like a lost puppy to him.

"Sorry, I just haven't seen this interior before." I made a quick excuse.

"Yes. I like this design myself." Well my past self hasn't been here yet. Which is the good news.

"I'll be back." The Doctor said and he ran out. I didn't even realize that we moved through space.

I walked further into the fabulous machine. My fingers were going over all the buttons and levers, making sure not to cause any disturbances. But then I looked back at the door, saw the coat rack by it. I slowly walked over to it, sat down at the wall and looked up from there. It was the same place. This was definitely the place where I almost died and regained my memory. At least I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Lie right there, that's where I laid in the Doctor's arms, that's where he begged me to open the locket, my time lord consciousness.

"Another ghost?" Amy mocked me.

"No." I said.

"No?"

"You are right, I do need a confidant. I just don't want that person dying for me."

"What do you want to say?"

"I've been here before."

"So you just lied to the Doctor?"

"Of course I did."

"Why?"

"He must not know that I will show up again in his future, but my younger self. He must experience this with no spoilers."

"Okay?"

"And you must not tell him."

"I won't."

"You will be my confidant for this, and nothing else."

"Why will your younger self be here?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out myself."

At that point, the TARDIS door opened and Rory walked inside. His face was not as fazed as other companions.

Wait...

Rory is here.

That means...

Rory's death will come.

Was it my fault?