Destiel Oneshots

Blood on your Wings

!trigger warning: selfharm!

He ripped feathers from his wings. Like they had done, back then when they had tortured him. It was his punishment. His wings were very sensible and it hurt like hell. But he deserved the pain. After all he had failed again. A feather fell down to the ground, followed by tears. Cas cried and his wings bled. Flying was hard, it hurt. His wings were damaged beyond repair. He had fallen, and he ripped on them.

But when he showed up at the Winchesters, he smiled and hid the pain. They didn't notice. The pain was just too normal to them. They didn't know Castiel did selfharm. On his wings they didn't see. They would never find out. A part of him was comforted by this thought. It was partly why he did it on his wings. Because so they would never see. Cas wasn't prepared for their reactions. He wasn't prepared for Dean's anger. But the other part of him was silently crying and screaming for help. This part wished they would notice. That they would help him and forgive him. That they showed the love he so desperately needed. But that would never happen.

Dean looked up as Cas landed in the bunker. He noticed how the angel pulled a face for a second, as if he was in pain. It was gone so fast that Dean wasn't sure it has been there in the first place. But then again, Cas wasn't the same in the last time and Dean was worried about the angel. "Are you alright?" he asked. Castiel looked up and kept his stoic face while he answered. "I'm fine, Dean. Why do you ask?" Dean shook his head. "Wanted to be sure" he shrugged.

Sam entered the room and they introduced Cas into the case they needed his help with. In a little village not very far from here hid a powerful demon. The Winchesters had already spied on him. "He's preparing something big and we don't know what it is" Dean said. Cas nodded. "I help you. Where exactly is that village?" Cas said. He wanted to fly there. It was easier to hide the pain from them when he wasn't around them much. "No, no. Cas, you're driving there with us" Dean said and Cas couldn't argue with him.

~

The demon laughed at them. "The Winchesters and their fallen angel. Did you really think you could stop me?" they hanged on the wall, captured by his magic. The demon was actually much stronger than Cas had expected, or maybe he himself was weaker.

He fought against the invisible chains and indeed got free. The anger made him strong, Cas guessed. The demon had knocked out Dean after all. "Oh oh, the angel is free. I'm so afraid!" the demon still laughed at them. Demon and angel stood in front of each other. It was like a showdown in those old western movies. "What you're gonna do now, hm? There's blood on your wings. You're weak" the demon said. Cas flinched. He hoped Sam hadn't heard this or thought too much about this. Quickly he jumped forward and stabbed his angel blade into the demon's heart. The demon hadn't expected that because he saw Cas way weaker than the angel actually was.

The angel turned around and zapped the Winchesters back to the motel. Sam looked at him concerned. Dean groaned and was slowly waking up. "What did that demon mean? 'There's blood on your wings.' What does that mean? Cas, are you wounded?" Sam asked concerned. Cas shook his head at him. "It's nothing" he mumbled. Dean sat up. But before he could say anything, the angel vanished out of the room. He left the Winchesters confused and worried.

Cas landed in a forest, he was alone. He sat down and held his head in his hands while the tears began to form an ocean.

~

A few days later, Cas suddenly appeared again in the bunker. He immediately collapsed. Sam, who just had entered the room, ran over to him. "Cas!" he shouted. This called Dean who came into the library, where Cas had landed, soon after. The angel was unconscious. Sam and Dean didn't know what was wrong so they simply decided to lay him into a bed in one of the uncounted spare rooms in the bunker.

~

Dean followed the sound of crying through the bunker. It led him to the room they had brought Cas to yesterday. They still didn't know what happened to him, or why he fell unconscious. Neither did they know what the demon meant with "there's blood on your wings". It could've been just a metaphor but after how Cas reacted when Sam confronted him, the brothers feared it was something more serious.

Dean softly opened the door a crack. He stopped at what he saw. Cas was sitting on the bed, he was crying. His wings were fully visible. And they were bloodstained and ripped apart. Dean had only once seen Cas' wings, and that had been a few years ago. They had been majestic. Now, they were broken, bloody and even bald on places. What happened? Dean wondered.

Cas held something in his hands. It was a single feather, sprinkled with blood. Fresh blood, Dean realized. Dean opened the door fully. "Cas?" he asked and stepped into the room. The angel looked up terrified and his wings immediately vanished from sight. "Hello, Dean" Cas whispered his infamous greeting.

"What happened, Cas? Who did this to you?" Dean asked, and there already was some anger in his voice. Cas was his family and he failed to protect him. Cas looked down. "You saw them, didn't you?" he mumbled. Dean heard him say something but it was too quiet said. "What? I didn't quite catch that" "You saw them, right? My wings?" Cas asked, louder this time. Dean nodded. "Yes, I did. And I want to kill whoever son of a bitch did that to you!" Cas flinched. He now struggled to hold back the tears. He didn't want to cry in front of the hunter.

"Who did that?" Cas couldn't hold it back anymore, and the tears started to flow again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dean" he cried. Dean was confused. Cas' hand turned to a fist around the bloody feather.

"Cas, who did this to you? Tell me!" Dean was on the verge of screaming at the angel. Which resulted in Cas backing away. "Don't yell at me" Cas pleaded.

The hunter fell silent for a moment as he looked at his crying friend. He slowly breathed in and out to calm himself down a bit. "Sorry, Cas. It's just... you're family and I can't stand you being hurt" Cas looked up at Dean.

The hunter closed the distance between them and took Cas tearstained face between his hands. "I really need to know. Can you tell me who did that?" he asked in what he hoped was a friendly tone. Cas looked down and Dean nudged his cheek with his thumb. "Hey, look at me" Cas locked his eyes with the man he once had saved from hell. Now it was Dean's turn to save the angel.

"I did. I'm sorry" Cas whispered. His eyes trailed downwards again. Dean was frozen. "You did... what?" he was perplexed by the idea of Cas, his angel, harming himself. "I'm sorry" Cas said again. He tried to put his face out of Dean's grip. "Hey, don't go!" Dean hugged his angel, and held him close. He noticed how Cas began to cry again. But Dean would never let go of the angel again. He couldn't lose him, he was family.

After some time, Cas' tears stopped. Dean held him away from his body to look at him. The angel looked horrifying. He still sniffed. "They still hurt, don't they?" Dean suddenly asked. Cas nodded. "I could help you stitch them up" the hunter offered. Cas shook his head. "You just have to make your wings visible" "They're ugly" "They're not!" "You've seen them. They're broken" "I've already seen them and I don't mind. I want to help you" Cas didn't like this situation. Not at all. He hadn't wanted Dean to see them in the first place. He didn't want anybody to see them. And yet, Dean just wanted to help him. Despite everything the demons in his head gossiped about Dean, he was here to help him. Eventually, Cas agreed.

~

"Why did you do that anyway?" Dean asked. He sat behind Cas' back and gently nursed his wings. "Because..." Dean could feel the angel breath in heavily. "Because I'm not enough. I failed so many times. I deserve the pain" the angel sobbed. His whole body shook again. Cas' hand automatically moved to his wings, following the urge to rip on them and feel the pain. Like he had done so often before. Halfway though it met Dean's hand. "Don't, Cas. Please" Dean pleaded and Cas had never heard the hunter say something like this. As if his life depended on this, he plead Cas not to harm himself. "Don't do this" Cas felt warm arms wrap around him and he carefully leaned into the touch.

"I've done so many things wrong, Cas. But not you. You're not a failure, Cas. Not to me. I love you" Dean whispered into Cas' ear. Cas turned around to look into the hunter's eyes. He wanted this to be the truth but it was too good to be real. But what he saw in Deans eyes was not a lie. Even though not all of him believed Dean's words Cas could feel one of his pieces deep within his soul click back into the right place. The once broken piece lit up a small part of his demons' town. And demons fear the light.

~~

Stay alive, frens! |-/