On the One Hand...

Why Cats are Superior to Dogs as Pets

Cats don't bark.

Or howl, settingoff the entire neighborhood of dogs a-howling—stupid idiots won'tsettle down for an hour. And what can we do? Lie in bed and fume. Some neighbors encourage them by yelling, Shut up!

Cats cleanthemselves.

Cats don'tslobber.

Or lick your facewith dog-breath tongue.

Or stink when wetor do that twisty-splashy thing that sprays everything within fifteenfeet.

Or consumegarbage, including plastic bags or like-species feces (I've seen it! My friend Norm had two dogs. Luther followed Cisco into the yard toimmediately consume his doggie-doo. He also ate a plastic grocerybag that Norm eventually helped extract from his butt.)

Or chase and bitelittle kids on the thigh just for happening to pass by. (Thishappened to me when I was in first grade. The owner told my dad itwas the kids' fault for teasing him. ???)

Or growl vicious,baring teeth (Cisco's threat when pet gently by young kids—not evenpulling his hair or anything).

Or beg for food.

Or whine.

Or insists uponimmediate attention.

Or pee becausethey're excited to see someone.

Or poke your feetwith hard, stiff, ugly claws.

Unneutered dogs inheat hump everything in sight, including male dogs, a person's hair,or a toppled pail. (I've witnessed two of these and got afirst-person account of the third.)

Cats are dignifiedand selective. If they approach you, it indicates affinity, notindiscriminate desperation for attention. This should make you feelhonored and special.

House cats arerelated to lions and tigers. Mano a mano, dogs' ancestral wolfwouldn't stand a chance against either.

When guys describea girl's appearance in feline terms, it's complimentary, not so ifshe's called a "dog" or "bow-wow." This proves that cats areconsidered sexy-beautiful while dogs are considered dog-ugly.

Cats purr—one ofthe most soothing sounds in the animal kingdom. Cricket chirps fallfar behind.

Cats curl upnicely in the lap and can be cuddled like a baby—so cute.

Cats take theirtime to eat daintily with generally good manners. Dogs gobble.

Cats rarely getlost or run and stay away from home. I can't remember the last timeI saw a Lost Cat sign. Our neighborhood has Lost Dog sings postedseemingly every other month.

Cats feel nicewhen they rub against your legs. They're saying, "I like you." It's their way of petting you. The only appropriate responseis to pet them back.

Outdoor cats neverneed a leash because they know how to stay or get out of trouble.

Contrary to thepopular saying, cats don't have nine lives. They have a hundredninety-nine.

Cats can survivein the wild! (Thus our epidemic problem with strays and ferals—shameon former owners that allowed this to happen!)

Domestic cats havesaved countless lives killing pestilence-carrying rodents.

Cats areindependent and nocturnal and can be left alone for hours duringdaylight when they probably prefer to sleep anyway.

Cats are quiet andunobtrusive. They bury their poop, which are small and tidy. Theydon't eat or drink much either. (I won't contrast this to big,gross, mushy, stinky, just-don't-step-in-it dog poop. Which happenedto me in elementary school. Which I washed off in secret in thebathroom sink.)

Cats arefascinating to watch and examine closely because they are sodifferent from us. Things that are fun to notice:

Their amazingclimbing speed.

Their stalkingskills.

Their balancealong fence tops, backs arched down low.

Their ability toalways land on four feet.

Their verticalleaps of over twice their body lengths.

Suddensprints—way faster than the fastest human being.

Their retractableclaws—clean, shiny, and graceful—that can be gently protruded bypressing behind the knuckles.

The way they kneadtheir front paws, open and close, left to right in succession whencontent.

The upright eyeslit pupils that dilate large at night and seem to glow in the darklike white glowing disks.

The mystique andaura of cats throughout history as witches' sidekicks, omens of doom,good fortune (Japanese waving kitties), and deities incarnate (ancientEgypt) demonstrate man's respectful, wary, and hopeful affinitytoward these gentle, shy, yet sociable creatures.

Is anythingmore delightful in the animal kingdom than a cat leaping in your lap,curling up and lying on its side—eyes closed, chin up—kneadingits paws, and purring with its lips slightly parted, its rows ofgleaming teeth peeking in a contented smile? Or feeling its sleek,soft fur smooth on your stroking hand?