Autumn. (Narry)

(9) Me Without You

Chapter Nine ~ Me Without You

I called in sick.

I’m not in any way, shape or form ill—I just can’t handle anything today. It feels like everything is closing in on me, my entire world seems to have been thrown off kilter and all I can think about is her. I want her. I miss her. I need her.

It’s one of those days, those days where everything just settles in your chest and the entire thought of living seems so pointless. I just wanted to spend my day with Autumn. I wanted the day to be just the two of us, waiting anxiously for Simon’s call. I wanted to have her curl up into me and snuggle closer, her head resting on my chest and her lips grazing my neck every now and again.

It was an impossible wish, she was gone and I was still here—alone.

I sent Lou and Zayn a brief text telling them I wasn’t going to work today(I had to keep Louis informed seeing as he’d show up sooner or later), I used the sick excuse, but I’m not too sure that they bought it. I wasn’t sick I was just tired, and those two things, though similar, were also easy to tell apart. I wasn’t really feeling like talking to anyone, so I simply shut off my phone and lay down on the sofa.

It was still that awful red color, the corners fraying from wear and tear, the fabric was smooth and worn from years of use. To anyone else, this sofa would be old and useless, but to me it held a lifetime of memories. It held Autumn’s and I’s memories, and that was enough to love it. Our first date was sat on this sofa watching a movie, popcorn sitting in between us before I subtly grabbed her hand. It was the place where we sat when she agreed to move in with me. It was the place she sat when she told me the news—both times. It was where we cried together, where we laughed together, where we lived together. She would sit down beside me and read a book while I would sit with my guitar on my lap and sing to her quietly. She loved to hear me play, to just sit and listen as the notes floated around us.

Autumn was the love of my life and it wasn’t often that I allowed myself time to remember her like this. She was a beautifully painful memory and my mind was full of her—of the time we had together. It was five years of memories, five years of kisses, of touches, of laughter and tears. Autumn brought out the best in me, and I just felt so lost without her.

It probably wasn’t the best idea for me to be alone right now, but who was I going to call? Zayn was working, Louis was pretending to work, Liam was working, and I believe Harry was working as well. It was all I could do just to lay here and stare at the ceiling while remembering the past. I wasn’t usually this useless, but everyone had their days, and today was mine.

Today would be the day that I could just do nothing. I could remember the past with fondness, and just be alone with myself and Autumn—or well her memory.

Just as I was starting to really settle into the sofa and give up on the thought of anyone saving me from myself there was a knock on my door. It startled me, and I ended up on the floor because of it. Usually when I had visitors the buzzer would ring and I’d have a fair amount of warning, but today it seemed that wasn’t the case. I didn’t know who it would be; the only reasonable option was that it was simply one of my neighbors. I honestly didn’t feel like dealing with people today, but I wasn’t going to be rude and leave them locked out of their flat or anything, so I did what any reluctant person would do.

I army crawled my way towards the door.

While I was on my way there was another knock, this one slightly louder than the last, but it wasn’t until I stood up at the last second and finally unlocked the door that I really saw who it was.

It was Harry, it was just Harry and I’d never been so happy to see him in my entire life.

“Niall, are you alright mate? You um… you don’t look so good.” I glanced down to find my shirt had twisted around during my journey to the door, and I only had one sock on, plus I was still in my pajamas and my hair most likely resemble that of a scarecrow’s innards.