The Girl with a Soul of Insanity (A Sonamy Story)

My True Story

My True Story

{This is dedicated to all my readers and my 200th followers}

(This chapter is a very delicate part of my life, if you are all curious about this chapter or a short story, this isn't a fiction or a fan fiction at all. It's a true story, this is my story of my young life from my childhood up till now, this story of mine contains depression, bullying, and dark thoughts in my mind. I've been keeping them inside me for so long as I remembered. So if you're not interested in reading this I won't force you so.)

Let me start from the beginning, when I was a child around 6-8 years old I always think to myself that I was different from the others, I was always a daydreamer with many things.

Fantasies in my mind that takes me away from reality like my own little world, the reason for that is because I was told from others I did so well and that they're proud of me. But as I got older I began having doubts.

The words they say to me just came in from one ear and came out to the other, but what I am saying is that negative words wouldn't affect anyone but for me when someone say positive words to me I began to feel bad about myself.

When I was little, my second brother always teased me, of course it didn't bother me since I was still small, but as I got older when I reach my puberty/adolescence his words started to affect me. Severely. My mom said ignore it cause he's just playing, but I felt it different.

If you're curious of what he said to me. He said "You're fat.", "You sucked.", "You're such a weeaboo." Etc. the last one didn't harm me too much but I am not a weeaboo but these other harmful words became apart of my life amd he continued this for 9 years straight.

When I transferred schools when I reached the 7th grade I became shy, anti-social, a loner, and never be in a crowd. This negative energy has been following me like a shadow that never want to disappear from my sight, that it's permanently attached to me. And whenever I made a new friend it continues to stab me right in the chest.

That's when the time I felt bad about myself. I started to hate myself for it. I looked into the mirror and I hate the way I look that I'm fat, worthless, I'm never gonna get better for this etc. I started to change my eating habits by controlling my hunger to be slim. It happened last year everyday my breakfast I only drink tea, lunch I only eat small rice and small food, and for dinner just a small pack of crackers. Sometimes I even skipped breakfast, or lunch, even dinner. I felt that I was happy because it shows of how in control I am.

I've been living with boys my entire life, sure I live with my mom but I was the only girl in the family. I bet you have your sibling rivalry as well, but to my three older brothers are always hungry for my annoyance, I always trusted my oldest brother along with my dad cause they always protects me from the other two, but both of them work abroad in the same country so I'm at disadvantage, and my second brother still teases me, and sometimes I felt that he doesn't know how I felt on the inside.

I've been doing this eating habit for 4 months and before I knew it I began to get dizzy, I felt like I'm about vomit, I began to slow down. My mom noticed about this habit of mine and she told me to stop. And be happy the way you are, that made me realized this is not what I want. I don't need to change myself, cause I'm born this way and I'm happy for the way I am. So I stopped and began eating properly. Everyone has their own shapes and sizes and they are happy for the body they have. No matter what people say to them.