What I lost

Chapter 16 Willow

Today was the last day on tour, everyone was in a good mood. The last gig came and they played their best. "It sucks that we have to go back." Emily says and take's a drink of her beer, "We had to go back at some point." She looks at me her eyes boring into mine, "I want to run away from life, and I know I can't but it's fun to dream." I nod not wanting to upset her today, in the pass month I realized that Emily has anger issues.

I turn my gaze back to Leo and watch him play his last song. He comes off the stage and comes straight towards me, "How did you like?" He asks as he gives me his signature smile that left butterflies in my stomach. "It was great I think it was the best so far." He nods as his eyes light up, "I agree." He orders a drink, "Let's all celebrate for the last time." Ashton says as he comes to stand next to Emily, "We will be doing this when we get back, so it's not the last time."

Ashton rolls his eyes, "You know what I meant Emily." She smiles playfully, "I know just messing with your buttons." He glares at her, "Well mission not accomplished." She raised her eyebrows, "I take that as a challenge." He groans, "You're so annoying." She shrugs, "Glad you still love me." He shakes his head, "I don't know why." She hugs him, "Because I'm like your little sister." He hugs her back, "I know little unicorn."

She glares at him and he orders a drink, "Don't give me that look." She turns back around to face me, "So your nickname is Fish?" I look at Leo and he grins, "Yep." He says and takes a swig of his beer, "Why?" She asks him he looks at me, "She fell and called herself a flopper." He says and I roll my eyes reliving in the moment, "Now I'm know as Fish and fish stink by the way." I state and he smells my hair, "You don't smell like a fish."

I scrunch up my nose, "You just sniffed my hair." I laugh and he smiles, "What I had to see if you smelled like a fish." I roll my eyes, "Thanks for checking wasn't sure if I did or not." He nods his head, "Glad to be at your service." I smile at him, for the rest of the night we all talk and Emily and Cody even get along. I was sad that the tour was ending but I was glad it was ending to. I missed home but I'm glad I went.

Leo

"Bye Willow see you tomorrow." I say as I open my apartment door, I was finally home I sighed and collapsed on my bed. I close my eyes relieving in the feel of the comfortable bed. Those beds on the bus were not the most comfortable beds, and they did a toll on my back. I sit up and stretch I was excited to get back to my usually workouts. I go and take a shower, I walk into the guest bedroom where all my paintings were stored. If I even had a guest I would just tell them enjoy the paintings.

I grab an empty canvas and picked out colorful paints, I decide on something bright and dull. An imagine of what I wanted to create came into mind. Hours later I take a step back and look at the imagine in front of me. It was a picture of a girl her face was turned and her hair was blowing in the wind it looked like. The canvas had a line in the middle of it to separate the same face, one side her face was filled of color on the other it was filled with dark colors.

It represented a girl who was lost and couldn't find her way, the other half represented what she could become and what she longed for. I thought of Willow in that moment, she could be lost and yearning to be the girl she dreamed of becoming. I soon realized that I made this painting for Willow, I run out into the living room and grab my phone and text her.

Me: You up?

Willow: Yea, what's up?

Me: I have a painting for you.

Willow: Right now?

Me: Yes, come over

Willow: Okay give me a moment

I patiently waited for her to come, I heard the knock and I stand up and open the door. She stood in a pair of light pink shorts and a white long t-shirt with a gray blanket around her. "Come here." I grab her hand and lead her to the guest bedroom, "You must be super excited for me to see this since you wanted me to see it at five in the morning." She grumbles out and I give her an apologetic look, "Sorry I just couldn't wait to show you."

"This one." I point at the canvas with the girl on it her eyes get big and she drops the blanket and walks over to the painting. "This was so worth seeing." She smiled at me and I smiled back, "Leo it's one of my favorites." I walk over to her and tell her the meaning behind it, "It reminded me of you." She looks up at me, "You think I'm lost?" I nod my head feeling uncomfortable, "Yes." She looks back at the painting and I didn't know if I upset her.

"Did I make you mad?" I ask and she shakes her head no, "I...I just don't know what to say." She looks back up at me this time her eyes were glazed over, "I'm sorry if I made you sad Willow I never meant for that to happen." She shakes her head and wipes the few tears that went down her face, "It's okay Leo you didn't do anything wrong. You made sadness into something extraordinary." I look at her with confusion, "It's just a painting." She sighs and looks back at the painting, "Can you please stop saying that it's nothing. It is something to me it means a lot to me. Leo, I want you to understand that."

I nod my head, "Okay." She grabs my hand, "Thank you Leo for this." She smiles a tired smile at me and I smile back at her, "Your welcome." I walk her back to her room with her painting in hand, "Thank you again Leo." I nod my head, "Your welcome night Willow." She grins at me, "Night Leo."

Willow

I look at the painting again and set it against my wall, I'll hang it up tomorrow. The painting was beautiful, and the meaning was so on point. I was sad and Leo was right I was lost and I didn't know how to find my way back again. I sigh and walk over to my dresser and open a drawer, I pick up the brown wooden box with a carved M&W on the top of it. I open it up and pictures of I and Marcus were inside, I pick up the picture of him kissing me on the cheek.

We were at a wedding and he was saying how much he loved me, I always wondered if he meant it I knew about his past. I knew he struggled but maybe I could have saved him if I paid more attention to him. But then again when he put his mind to something he always got it, I just wish he didn't put his mind to death. I shut the box and head to bed I wrap myself in the soft covers and stare at the painting. Maybe one day I won't be so lost.

Someone was screaming and I didn't know who it was, I looked around trying to figure out who was screaming. I was inside my house I walked closer to the screaming and there I sat on the ground crying. I look up at what I was crying about and there Marcus sat he was bleeding everywhere. Why wasn't it stopping I walk closer to him and start to shake him, why wasn't he waking up?

I needed him to wake up, "Please Marcus wake up." I whispered but it sounded like my ears were filled with water and I couldn't hear what I was saying. I stand up and walk over to where I sit curled up in a ball crying silently. "Willow it's going to be okay." I tell myself and I walk away wanting the screaming to end. I close the door and then there was finally peace and quiet.

I shoot out of bed and breath heavily, nightmare that was all it was. But it wasn't it was a memory that played out in my sleep every night. I get out of bed not able to sleep anymore, and I go get a glass of cold water that's all I needed was water. I don't make eye contact with the bathroom the entire time. Not wanting to remember. I needed to move somewhere else I couldn't keep living like this.