Heaven Knows

18: Dominic

Heaven Knows OST: ♫ Don’t want an Ending by Sam Tsui ♫

Chapter 18: Dominic

I’ve counted days.

I’ve wondered nights.

I’ve waited for a week.

Heaven had closed her gates once again. And this time, I don’t know if they would ever open.

I had that sick feeling in my chest that I could not explain. It seemed to me that it could not be described or answered by any book. I might search the whole libraries in the world and I’d still not get some peace of mind. Even paramedics would call me “dead on arrival” if I fell on the ground with eyes open to the world, chest rising up and down for air but soul badly endured. I felt like I’ve been abducted by pirates on a ship. I came out alive but dead inside. Maybe it’s like this when you’re in too much pain. No remedy to feel better and I was disemboweled to the very core of my being.

This story was going to pulp fiction territory if this gut feeling doesn’t end. Trust me.

“You did it. You did not. You did it. You did not.” Scott continued that mantra as he picked the leaves on a shrub making it close to bald-ville.

“Save Mother fucking Earth, Scott.” I told him as I took pity on the plant.

For a moment he stopped picking and he turned to me in shock. Yeah. I think I haven’t spoken a word to him since Maundy Monday. The whole week was Lenten Season for me.

“I’ll donate a new one if you’re badly concerned with Mother Nature.” He then went back to his new found habit. So to save Mother Earth from extinction by Scott Orson’s annihilation, I have decided to come out.

“You did it. You did not. You—”

“We did it.” I cut him off and he straightened his back, he turned to me with the stiffest movement that he could do, and he bulged his eyes at me. He pursed his lips shut and he ran towards me. He made me face him and he held both of my shoulders.

“I’m so happy for you, bro.” he feigned crying. I grimaced at him. “You’ve been finally baptized! Welcome to the society!”

I dodged his hands away from me as I stared at the burning skies. I wished for rain. I hated the heat on my skin.

“The sex was that bad?” Scott sneered at me. I could tell, even if my back was to him, he was so excited to talk about this especially the details.

I frowned as I turned to him. “No, it wasn’t. It has been a week and… and she hasn’t called me yet. I didn’t hear anything from her since that night.”

Scott raised both of his eyebrows at me. “Maybe she came too much and she ran out of juice.”

I scowled at him. “If you want to be hot, improve your diction and manners.”

“But this is not a matter of how hot I am, Dom.” He prompted. “This is about you and Anna.”

“Then if you are such a love expert then tell me why the fuck did she disappeared on me again? Was she a ghost of some sort? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Was it the sex? Tell me because I don’t fucking understand this whole shit anymore! I am so tired of this!”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I looked away. My hands balled into dangerous balls of fire to my sides.

“Then give up.” Scott said. I turned my burning fury to him and he met my eyes with his calm ones.

“I can’t.” I told the ground.

“I am not Anna, Dom.” Scott said and my anger went flashing back in my head.

He raised his hands in surrender. “Translation: go talk to her.”

I cursed inside my head as I finally admitted. “I felt so awkward to talk to her.”

“You both did it. So suffer the consequence. Be a man not a saint, Dominic Savio.”

I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair. “You’re right.”

“I do hope you used the condom.” He whistled the mocking jay tune.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Another thing. I didn’t.”

His eyes widened. “Dominic Savio, you are so screwed.”

My eyebrows creased with worry. “How screwed?”

“Get the hell to her pink Victorian and ask her if she’s pregnant.” He pointed out like a parent.

“What the fu—”

“Go you idiot who doesn’t have the sense to use a contraceptive!” he scowled at me.

I opened my mouth to protest but then I thought: what’s the use? What happened already happened. But what if Anna’s pregnant? Was it even possible? She’s sick. But then in our world there’s a 75% that she could be. I paled while the thought came to me.

I disgraced myself for being such a fool. A coward and a fool. So before I went insane, I dragged myself to Anna’s house.

***

I found out that I wasn’t going to be a teenage father. Thank the Heaven’s for that.

Though I did found a girl standing outside their house. Her back was to me and she wore ordinary clothes like she would stay at home all day long. Her dark hair was cut short. It was a messy cut that looked like it was meant to keep it too long so they suspended on her shoulders.

But then as I went closer to her, I have recognized that beat of my heart.

That girl was my Anna. Yet it was and was not her. She looked so pale and thin.

She had her hands on her notebook. She clutched it close to her chest like she was holding for her dear life. Her eyes were shut to the world while I was burning inside. I wrapped my arms around her waist and I pulled her towards me. But upon contact to my skin, she immediately pulled away. My arms helpless fell down to my sides and my heart hammered forcefully inside me. The impact was so strong that I could break at any moment.

It took me a moment to register the fear that rationalized in the blue of her eyes. The icicles had melted away their recognition for me and in return it reflected back my fears. I felt like getting hit by a train and got trampled over.

She moved away from me, her hands clutched the edge of her notebook tightly. I took a step forward while she moved backwards. I saw my arm reached for her but she remained unreachable.

“Anna,” I heard my lips say.

Her mouth shaped a thin line as she pursed them shut. Her eyebrows creased. She looked back at their house.

“Mama!”

“Anna,” I stepped closer and she gasped.

She panicked like I was a serial killer wanting harm to her. The fear in her eyes made me feel that dagger inside my chest. It was about to torn me into half.

“Mama!”

The door opened and Mrs. Heaven came rushing towards her daughter who was so frantic to see me. But she stopped on her tracks when she saw me. Anna ran towards her immediately.

“Mama, who is he?”

She said and my world shattered.