Disappearance

Blame

Chapter 6

this chapter is kinda a rollercoaster...enjoy!

Walking into the white walls of the hospital, Hotch felt a cloud form over his head. Sadness, guilt and pain overtook him. He still blamed himself for giving up. Deep down he knew he had given up way to soon. He assumed she was dead. It was the hard truth, and he now had to deal with the repercussions.

He flashed his badge at the front desk, and continued down the long, dim hall towards her room. He paused outside her room, took a deep breath, and entered the dark room.

"Emily? It's Hotch."

He could see her body tense up, but then relax slightly.

"What do you want."

He was taken aback by her strong yet cold answer.

"I'm just checking in. I heard they're releasing you tonight."

She scoffed and he wasn't fully prepared for what she said.

"Oh, now you're checking in. What about the past two years, huh? Where were you then?" her voice became increasingly agitated, "not much 'checking in' then."

"Emily, I know your upset, and I don't blame you–"

"Upset? No, I'm not upset. I was upset the first time he raped me. That's when I was upset."

"Emily–"

"No, Hotch. Do you even know what I lived through?"

He was shocked, "Emily I–"

"He used me like I was his toy. Everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. At first I held on to the fact that I knew you guys were looking for me," she paused and rubbed her wrist, "but after those first few months I knew. I knew nobody would find me. I thought about ending it. For a while I thought of ways I could. But then I realized I couldn't give up because I knew you guys wouldn't. Clearly I was wrong."

"Emily I understand. If you don't want to see me, then okay. I'll leave. But you need to go home with someone since your apartment was resold. JJ or Morgan said they'd be happy–"

"I'll go with Morgan. I can't burden JJ further. She has Henry."

"Okay, I'll let him know," he started to walk out of her room and paused just before leaving, "I'm so sorry Emily."

She remained silent and turned to the side.

Once he was outside her room, he closed the door and walked a bit farther down the hallway and found an empty waiting room. He went in and closed the door. As soon as he was alone he broke down. He never cried much, never wanting anyone to see him vulnerable. This was an exception. He couldn't keep his emotions at bay. He had completely failed her and she knew. He deserved this. She didn't deserve to be this bastards toy. It destroyed him to even think about what she went through.

He spent the next ten minutes composing himself until he was stable enough to go outside, one thought never leaving his head: he failed her.

Wow! I really put Hotch through hell! I just think that if something like this were to happen, it's not realistic to think everything would be normal and no blame would be felt. I tried to make this as realistic as possible, and I think the blame Emily feels towards Hotch is a real possibility if this were a real situation. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, next one should be up shortly! Thanks for reading!