Alternia Residential Complex

Coming up roses

A rose. Roses are nice.

Unless that's too clichéd. She should know I'm different, not just your average fuckup. I'm a special fuckup.

I guess she already knows that.

I'll go with the rose.

I get it on my way home from work and bring it to her front door. I think about just ringing the doorbell and leaving it there, that sure as hell would be easier than what I'm about to do, but no. I need to do this properly. For her.

I take a deep, shaky breath, and knock on the door. I feel my heart pounding in my ears, as if to say yes, this is me, this is my life. I fucked it up, and I have to deal with the consequences.

She opens the door.

I'd almost wished she wasn't home, but of course I'm not that lucky. Life conspires again and again to make things as hard as possible for me.

"Hi." I say shakily, holding the lone rose feebly in one hand.

"Hello, Eridan." Her lips are pressed tight together.

She doesn't ask me what I want, but I'm fairly certain it's implied.

"Uh, okay." I clear my throat. I have a prepared speech. "Kanaya, you are the most amazing person I have had the pleasure of meeting. You're kind, courteous, and always care about other people. You cared about me. You valued me as a human being, which is something that not many people have done before. And when I had a chance to prove my worth to you, prove that you were correct in your assessment of me, I failed you. For that, I am deeply--I'm so fucking sorry, Kan." My voice breaks. She's just staring at me. I don't know what she wants me to say.

I gather my thoughts and my words and my speech. "I would deeply appreciate it if you would give me a second chance. I understand you are under no obligation to do this for me at all, and if you want me to just go away and not bother you or anything, I will. I'm not trying to guilt or shame you into it at all, I'm just hoping… Here--here, I got you a rose, if you want it." I hold it out to her, trying to stop my hand from shaking.

She takes it. God, I can't even fathom what's going through her head right now.

"Are you done?" She asks in a seemingly calm voice, but I can hear the strains of tension under it.

I nod. "Yeah--yeah, I think so. I'm really sorry, Kan."

She takes a few deep breaths before speaking. "Eridan, I like you. I really do."

"…But?" I'm not tearing up. I am not fucking tearing up here.

She holds out a hand. "Please. I let you finish, can you please let me."

"Of course! Y-yeah." I bite my bottom lip, trying to get blood, but it doesn't come.

"Eridan, what you did back there was incredibly disappointing. Aradia and Sollux are my friends, and you not only unforgivably insulted them, but you got us banned from the movie theater. That was my favorite movie theater."

I nod. I liked the theater, too, but I don't think that's what she's getting at. "I know. I fuck up everything I touch, I know that, god, I do. I'm sorry, I was wrong to ever think I could--"

"Let me FINISH." She breaks her usually impenetrable calm. Her face is contorted into a twisted mix of sorrow and rage, but is somehow still beautiful, in a sad sort of way. "Eridan, I'm not going to let you guilt me into this again. You say you aren't, but you are! I'm not going to let this go! Eridan, you're right, you're a gigantic fuckup. You're a useless, no-good, insufferable prick, Eridan! …So what's wrong with me?"