How To Date A Christian Dork: A Helpful Handbook For The Datingly Impaired.

Tip 1: Don't Trip The Dork Up

Tip 1: Don't Trip The Dork Up

"No," I said, firmly shaking my head. "No way José. Absolutely not. Never going to happen. Nuh uh. Forget it."

"Please?' Valerie batted her dark lashes and opened her violet eyes wide. "Pretty please? With a million cherries on top?" She added the last part, with an adorable pout.

"Hmm...let me think about that." I placed a finger on my chin, pretending to be deep in thought. Valerie looked hopeful, but I quickly crushed said hope when I said, "Still no."

"But Kayla..."

"But Kayla nothing," I said. "I'm not doing it. It ain't happening partner."

"But this time it's actually important!"

"You said that last time," I pointed out.

"But-"

"And thrice before that."

"Yes, but that's in the past now. Let it go!" She started singing Let It Go, from Frozen. I rolled my eyes at her childishness.

"Look towards the future amiga!" She threw one arm over my shoulder, pulling me close to her and started to speak, elaborating her points by swinging her free arm wildly. "I can see it now. The two of us, together, looking for the perfect sales, the perfect clothes, the perfect accessories. And you know what makes it perfect?"

I rolled my eyes. I heard this speech over and over again, just in different wording each time.

"No I don't. What makes it perfect, Val?" I asked sarcastically, pushing her away from my face.

"The fact that the two of us are together!" She smiled brightly. "Come on Kay, what have you got to lose?"

I started listing points on my fingers.

"Let me see...my pride, my time, my money, my energy...need I go on?"

"Pfft, of course not! You're just making up excuses! Kay, it's going to be fun!"

"I'm still not going."

"Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"It's not a crime to not want to go shopping."

"Who told you that horrible lie?" she gasped dramatically.

"Common sense," I deadpanned.

She rolled her eyes. "You know, sometimes I just don't know why I put up with you."

"Same here, friend."

"You are impossible!" she finally exclaimed.

"I try," I said, trying not smirk at the exasperated expression on her face.

"Kayla, who hurt you as a child?"

Now I was confused. "What? What are you yappin--"

"It's alright, whoever hurt you is gone now. I promise, they won't come back." She rubbed my back comfortingly.

"Val, what are you talking about now? Nobody hurt me!"

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, child. You need to confess it, and then let it go..." She kissed her palm, and then blew the kiss away. By this time I was convinced my best friend had gone mad.

"Val, what do you mean?"

"Well, it's obvious someone has scarred you. Why else wouldn't you want to go to the mall?"

I sighed, shaking my head at my friend's idiocy. She had a GPA almost as high as mine, but when it came down to it, Val was a complete and utter moron.