Melrose • Dolan Twins

課 042

T H E   P R O C E S S

O F    A

H E A R T   B R E A K

「day one」

"You hadn't seen me in like, 45 days

I could tell it in your face
Yes, something was up
My arms opened wide
Open, waiting for you to jump
But you just walked up slow
Nah, wait, this ain't the girl I know
C'mon, where she at?
Give her back
Just makin' my jokes, didn't even crack a smile, damn
That's all it took for me to know there was another man
It's all downhill"
-2 cigarettes, Jack & Jack

I realized I was such a fool for thinking she actually did care for me.

The images flashed through my mind in repeat. Like a non-stop recorded tape playing over and over again.

Nobody told me it would hurt this damn much.

And it hurt even more, knowing all her words, hugs and kisses were all simply one big fucking lie.

I know I did everything I could to love her.

I swore to never hurt you. But you did

Raine, if you're reading this, all I can say is,

why

________

「day two」

"You say we had it all
That shit would drive me crazy
Cause outside, outside there's no feelings baby
You say it's hard to tell, what I've been thinking lately
But behind closed doors I'm a fool for your love"
-FFYL, Quinn XCII

Dear Raine,

I miss you like crazy.

But I don't tell you that. I've been on my own for a fucking while, and I don't know what I want anymore.

Days have been miserable for me.

And I don't know if you'd say the same about yours.

________

「day three」

"Who holds your feelings, babe ?
Don't make it difficult, no
Don't be expecting that
Expecting
the same thing from me, no
We ain't gonna let each other
down now
Each other down now, no
Just as long as your right here
with me
Don't say them words"
- Last Thing, Jack & Jack

Dear Raine,

I'm done thinking about you. About the things we had and the things we've been through.

I've changed. And I see you have too.

Now I'm surrounded by people. Gone everywhere. Been almost everywhere.

But it still feels lonely sometimes.

_______

「day four」

"Thought we had a chance
But you had weapons
Didn't know you had weapons
Now I'm insecure and stressed out
When someone gets close,
I shut down
Always second guessing got so many questions
You did it to me, cause he did it to you, and now I'm gonna turn around and do it to my new girl"
- Hurt People, Jack & Jack

Dear Raine,

I've tried new things that I know ain't new for you.

Things I shouldn't be doing.

But it helps me numb the pain.

I see you everywhere. And I don't know if that makes me happy.

Everytime I see your face, all I can see is all the damage done. All that we built, broken.

I met someone new.

She reminds me so much of you.

But it didn't work out between us. She broke my heart.

But don't worry, cause she did not break my heart like you did,

so I'll be fine.

I promise

__________

「day five」

"Watch who you fuck with
And never ever trust somebody for nothing
Even if you feel like you really love her
Don't ever ever tell that bitch that you really love her
Cause that's when she gon make you feel like you nothing"
-I Still Think About You, A Boogie

Dear Raine,

This is the last time I'll be thinking about you.

Last time you'll ever see me.

I hope you the best.

Goodbye.

-G