Matter of Trust

ch 1

Behind every sweet smile ,there is a bitter sadness that no one can ever see and feel -Tupac
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Imani

Another day of Enduring this pain, pretending acting like everything's okay ,when I know deep down inside I'm drowning and there's no escape , it all started when I met Bryan .

I would say Bryan was my first true Love ,he always treated me right like I was the only girl in the world. He made me feel beautiful which I haven't felt in a long time, Bryan and I been together for 3 years now .He was the boyfriend  any girl would go insane for ,but a couple months ago  he changed.. he started abusing me emotionally and physically. The pain made me numb, the insults made me insecure.

I always told myself if I was ever put in this position I would always leave no matter what, but when it happens the first time you're always quick to forgive and they apologize reassuring you it would never happen again and you believe them for the time-being , then it happens again and again like a continuous cycle, I should've left him a long time ago but I just couldn't.

Our love became so toxic to a point where if I were to ever break up with him he would threaten to kill me, So I got scared and never left him.

I dropped down to the wall , and rest my back as I cried  thinking about what Bryan said to me recently .
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                               (FLASHBACK )
"IMANI GET HERE RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING HOE, he yelled at me as I quickly walk over to him not holding any eye contact .

He harshly gripped my chin "LOOK UP WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU BITCH", he spat as I looked up with tears on the brim of my eyes.

"Y-yes Bryan s-sorry ", I said as I tried my hardest not too break down in front of him , he claims he hates that crying shit .

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LIKING ANOTHER NIGGAAAS PIC HUH AND DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME ". He yells while tightening his grip .

I winced trying to remove his hands from away from my chin which resulted with a slap in return.

"B-Bryan please stop ... h-he is just a random boy on my feed ..", I said as I hold my face slowly walking backwards .

He slowly follows my movements and I hit the wall trapped ,no where to go , I look up waiting for what he's about to do next.

"YOU UGLY, WORTHLESS,UNGRATEFUL,TRASHASS,YOU FAT PIECE OF SHIT, IF IT WASN'T FOR ME YOU WOULD BE NOTHING I NEVER REALLY LOVED YOU AND I JUST WANTED YOUR BITCHASS FOR SEX DID YOU REALLY THINK SOMEONE CAN EVER LOVE YOU", he said with every hit, next thing you know everything went black.

I eventually woke up in an unfamiliar place , looking around wanting the need to clenched my thirst but knowing Bryan he wouldn't care , I look down to my right an see a picture of Bryan and I together .Back when everything was better , I snatched the frame and threw it on the ground watching it smash into millions of pieces.

"ARGHH WHY CANT I BE HAPPY .. WHY CAN'T HE FUCKING LOVE ME". I yelled as I start to have a breakdown.

I just wanna feel loved , It just feels like there's no more air left in the world.. and I was gasping, and still couldn't breathe .I want a normal life I shouldn't have to feel like I don't belong in this world when I know I have a purpose.. well I used to think so before he made me lose it.

Now my purpose is being a punching bag for my boyfriend, I want my mother to cradle me and tell me everything's okay but I can't tell her ,he would literally kill me .