My Father's Beta

Another Outfit Bites The Dust

Despite the rocky and highly un-educational start to my first day as Jim’s student, we did, eventually actually get started on some work. Jim is a good teacher but he’s a hard ass and strict as hell, I still can’t tell if it’s for real or if he’s doing it for fun to test my limits. Thankfully whatever his motives I haven’t lost it just yet, I can be sure of one thing though and that’s that it can go one of two ways when I’m with Jim and trying to concentrate, either his presence will calm me and steady my focus so that I can actually have a shot at doing something right, or I just get caught up in staring at him, this usually happens when he walks past me and his scent gets shoved into my nose or when he comes over and tries to help me with something, his hand will brush mine as he turns a page or picks up a pen.

Right now I was in a focused sort of mood, probably because Jim was sat at the opposite side of the wide table to me, eyes focused on a book that I hadn’t bothered to read the title of. I finished my last equation and put my pencil down, turning me head and spying the time on the clock in the kitchen.

“Jim”.

“Mm”? he muttered still looking at his book.

“You need to take me home”.

“You are home, you mean I should take you back to your Father” he told me, sitting up and closing the volume in his hands before setting it on the table.

I rolled my eyes, I know I said that I’m his but that’s just fact because I am his mate, so I kind of am. It’s not like I told him that I love him... actually I think I did that already... I don’t know. Anyway the point is even though it’s sweet that he thinks of his place as my home now, I don’t. I’m not saying that I won’t ever but right now, my home is with my Dad.

“No Jim, I mean home”. His eyes flicked up to me then, finally looking at me. His stare was even, calculating like he was trying to pick words carefully. In the end he got up from his chair and kept his eyes on me as he walked around the table and crouched on the balls of his feet next to my chair, looking up at me thoughtfully. I couldn’t help my eyes trailing to the triangle of bare chest where the first couple buttons on his shirt were open, revealing the start of dark hair underneath.

Jim took my right hand in both of his and used this to push my palm flat over his heart, the feel of it under my hand, beating strongly surged a strange mix of emotions in me – protective, like I was to be the guardian of that little ticker now, that it was my job to keep it safe in more ways than one. Hopeful, the beats were deep and loud and full and that showed me how strong he is, made me hopeful that when I was for some reason not by his side, he could keep up a good enough defence of my new treasure that happened to be buried in his chest. Fear, his heart is very important but still so physically fragile like a glass light bulb fitted into a durable beacon, all it would take is one slip of the hand and, smash my bright, bright light would go out. Lastly, and even now annoyingly, home.

Like he heard my thoughts Jim spoke, squeezing my hand over his chest. “Home, I’m your home”. Looking into his eyes, it felt like he was pleading with me to see but he didn’t need to, I’d gotten there myself. It’s scary how on the same page we seem to be getting now but it’s only scary to a part of me that seems to be growing smaller every day.

 I didn’t really know what to say to him, my revelation though illuminating to me seemed personal, maybe too personal to share and I felt a little weird even trying to come up with words to make it sound less dorky. So I just used my free hand to pull his over my heart instead.

“Home” I whispered, pushing his hand down like did to mine. I wasn’t looking at him when I said it but at the floor.

One of Jim’s hands pulled free while the other remained and took my chin gently, tilting my face up and he leant in, stretching his neck to meet my lips with his. It was soft but it had a deceptive undertow to it, like a smooth surface of water that had a fierce current beneath it, something you’donly know if you stepped in.