Purpose ❆ Benny Rodriguez

21 | farewell

01/06/2016

chapter twenty-one ;
FAREWELL

♡

SNOW DRIFTED DOWN upon the casket of Lynn Rodriguez – yes, snow. Apparently it was not terribly uncommon in the mountains, which was where our Lynn had asked to be buried – beside her husband, more specifically.

　The graveyard was small, containing less than a dozen headstones. In each hunk of granite the name Rodriguez was carved. Clearly it was reserved for the family, but I did not ask Benny for confirmation. He stood at my side in utter silence.

　A week had gone since the death of Lynn, but no one had healed in the slightest. The painful emptiness clouded my every thought, slowed my every movement, drained me of any sliver of happiness. Most days I would continuously burst into tears, tears that flowed despite my attempts at stopping, uncontrollable, like a broken dam.

　Elizabeth shared my reaction, but Benny . . . he was something else. He was lifeless. And as much as I missed Lynn, my heart was mostly broken for my boyfriend. I never could have imagined losing my own mother – It was my worst fear, losing someone I loved more than anything.

　The ivory casket was closed now, prepared to lower into the ground, but I could still see the pale face obscured. Dark hair and matching eyelashes that veiled the dark, sparkling, kind eyes beneath forever. The heavy purple gown, silk and lace and long, as elegant as royalty. I could still feel her skin, warm and smooth on the eve on her death. The way this morning it was smooth as marble and cold as ice against my reluctant mouth.

　Death terrified me, and usually the sight of a corpse sent me into a panic attack. Perhaps it was the fact that a life had existed – that this person had once loved and cried and laughed and made their marks on the world – only to simply slip away, leaving behind the tangible piece of them that could not be accessed.

　There were the lips that had kissed and been kissed, the hair that had been caressed, the hands that had cared for her children, her loved ones. She was here, but she was gone forever.

　Hot tears escaped my sore eyes, and I did not bother to wipe them away. All I could do was stare at the casket and try not to make a sound.

　My tears were becoming a sea.

　Absentmindedly I reached out for Benny's hand. His fingers curled lightly, weakly around my own.

　The scenery was black and white: the black of the dresses, the suits, and the white of the snow on the ground, the shining casket. The now unusual paleness of my skin, of Benny's, of Elizabeth's.

　It was like we had all died with her.

　We said our final goodbyes. I laid my hand against the casket, seeing Lynn underneath. A million memories seemed to flash before my eyes then.

　Lynn – greeting me for the first time with a hug; Benny had been embarrassed. Later that night she had given us money to go to the fair, even though she hadn't wanted Benny to go, initially. Lynn – accepting my gift for her fortieth birthday, a replica of The Titanic's version of The Heart of the Ocean. Lynn – splashing in the waves of the Santa Monica beach, lying with us on a large blanket against the sand. Lynn, and the love that radiated from every fiber of her being. Lynn – who had always been an angel.