Purpose ❆ Benny Rodriguez

30 | diverge

05/29/2016

chapter thirty ;
DIVERGE

♡

THE DAY ARRIVED. A terrible yearning dwelled deep in my chest – my heart was breaking.

　A soft breeze pushed the bangs from my tear-filled eyes. I sat on the edge of the porch, watching as Luke and our father stuffed the final boxes into the U-Haul. The idea of moving back to Tennessee had secretly excited me – but now that it was happening, and I realized that I was truly about to leave behind everything I'd built, there was no greater nightmare.

　Every day between now and the day of the news of my moving had been filled to the brim with great memories. Not a day passed that I did not spend with all of my friends. And not a day passed that I did not sleep with Benny at my side.

　We'd come to an agreement, Benny and I. One day we would meet again – we would – but until that time, a long-distance relationship would not work. Time would heal, and if fate tied us together, then it would. Until then . . . nothing was certain.

　Now Benny sat beside me, eyes trained on the truck. Our locked hands rested in his lap. The air between us was silent, even though there was doubtless so much to say. But what could we say, really? I'll miss you, but there's a chance we'll never see each other again. How was I ever supposed to deal with that?

　It was a warm, beautiful day, the sun shining at a blinding brilliance, unveiled by clouds. And it worked out, because all I wanted to do was close my eyes long enough to sink into shadow. I wanted my family to make a last-minute change of heart, and if not, then to simply leave me behind. A life without my new friends and Benny felt unreal, despite the fact that I was only returning to my old life.

　Nothing would ever be the same. I could not accept that just yet.

　Benny squeezed my hand gently. "I wish this was a dream," he sighed, as gentle as the breeze.

　A lump of nausea rose in my throat, and I swallowed it back with an effort. Not trusting myself to speak, I simply squeezed his hand in return.

　"But," he continued, eyes turning to land on the side of my face, "if it isn't . . . it'll be okay. Eventually. You know? You'll find someone who makes you happy, and soon enough you won't think about me at all."

　A short, disgusted scoff escaped my lips, and I met his eyes with my own. "What happened to your confidence that we'd meet again?"

　He shrugged. "It's still there, but I have no idea when that'll be. We don't know what will come in between that time. Things change, you know? I'll never forget about you, and I'll never stop loving you, but I want you to be happy. I don't want you to let me hold you back from living your life."

　I turned, for fear that he would notice the pain that choked me up. Still I managed to whisper, "I don't know how I'll live a life without you in it. You give me purpose."

　Just then, a loud whistle pierced the air. In the near distance, a large group neared the house. Bertram was in the lead, his long legs giving him a greater advantage than most of the smaller boys. Kenny's hands were stuffed into his pockets, head hung low, and he was near the back of the group.

　Releasing a ragged sigh, I turned to look at Benny. The sadness in his eyes was as clear as the weather, yet he flashed me a smile.

　"Go say your goodbyes," he said, releasing my hand. "But I want to be the last."

　I hadn't expected this day to be so depressing. Wiping away the dust that most likely did not reside on my jeans, I hopped to the ground and made my way out into my yard.