courage [yoonkook]

c

Yoongi knew he had nothing to be afraid of.

He knew that it was a dream and that it couldn't hurt him.

Everything was replicated perfectly; the moon was white against the black of the sky; the buzz of excited cars outside was dull and droning; the smell of fire and the weary breaths of his loved ones, exactly as he remembered them.

His fifteenth birthday. His brother had given him a camera - a proper, expensive one - and then they'd gone out for dinner at a fancy-looking meat restaurant that Yoongi had always wanted to go to but could never afford. It was the perfect evening - good, hearty laughter and stable conversation and Yoongi was genuinely happy for the first time in a while.

But it all happened so quickly.

He was stuck to the car by the seatbelt. He tugged and pulled at it, praying and cursing simultaneously. He saw his brother pass out next to him by the sheer force of the impact, sounding out little groans that were barely over a whisper. He saw the blood pooling at his sides and around his forehead and he felt the bile catch in his throat. He saw his mother crushed up against the passenger seat, blood completely surrounding her lower half. He saw his father, the most respectable man he knew, with glass shards poking him in all places and he felt the tears prick at his eyes.

The seatbelt came undone and in that moment there was no sound apart from his own laboured breathing and weak sobs.

"Hyung!" he cried, trying to shake his brother awake. He barely moved in response. Yoongi tasted the tears running down his cheeks, felt the putrid smoke filling his lungs and it was certain for him - he was going to die.

The ambulance sirens were far too faint and dim in the background and it didn't provide him any solace. Everything had his heart racing, even the reassuring voice of some young boy who was desperately pulling him out of the car. The boy brought out his brother too, the blood from his clothes transferring to the boy's clothes as well.

Then it happened.

The boy was just turning back around when the car burst into flames, the fire licking and burning the bodies of his parents who lay helpless in the car, unconscious and dying.

Dying.

Dead.

Yoongi shot awake, his own breath terrifying him to the core.

"Yoongi?"

Jin flipped the switch of the lamp on, illuminating the dorm room ever so slightly. The warmth of the light calmed him down as he sipped quietly from his water bottle.

"Sorry. You can go back to sleep, hyung."

Instead, Jin came and sat on Yoongi's bed and brushed the hair away from his face. "I could but I won't. My friend's not well and if I don't do something, he'll repress it and then one day, it will all just flood out. I don't want that happening."

Yoongi's heart had calmed down and he forced himself to smile. "Let's make toast then."

"Will that help?"

"Food always helps."

Jin frowned which was new. The idea of food always seemed to get Jin off Yoongi's case but now his face was pulled downward disapprovingly. He held Yoongi's hands and patted them lightly. "You really don't know who he is?"

Yoongi's hand twitched

"Of course not!" he snapped. "Nothing changes in the stupid dream, his face is always blurry or covered! If I knew who he was I would do something! You know I would! I would search the entire universe to thank him for saving my life."

Jin flinched. "Sorry. I'm sure you would."

Yoongi breathed in deeply and furrowed his brow in pain. He was well aware of his own hopelessness - he just didn't want it shoved in his face. He was beyond thankful for Jin, that was true, but he could be very smothering at times. Sometimes brewing in your own sadness for a little while was healthy and good. He gripped Jin's hands in silent apology and forced another smile.

"But..." Jin continued.

"But?"

"I just happened to remember something my mother told me. If someone does something pivotal once in your life and vanishes, there's a huge chance that fate will pull you two together again. It's how my parents found each other. So maybe he's closer than you think."

Yoongi raised his brow and managed a real smile. Jin met his eyes and laughed. "Fate? Come on, hyung."

"Can you disprove it, though?" Jin asked stubbornly.

Yoongi shook his head. "Not completely, no."

After a meaningless silence, Jin asked, "What will you do when you meet him?"

"I don't know. Probably kiss him if he's gay."

"That sounds about right," Jin replied with a laugh.

An hour or so later, Jin returned to his own bed and fell asleep again. While the memory was still fresh in his mind, Yoongi grabbed an old notebook and wrote everything down, everything he could remember from the accident: the fabric of the seatbelt that held him against the seat; the exact shade of red that covered his hands; and every single detail about the boy that saved him and his brother. He just needed to find him and thank him.

Then he'd live in peace.

The moon was still high in the sky and it lit up the room ever so slightly. If he could just look at the world the way he used to, the moon wouldn't look so ugly and menacing. If he was able to look at the world the way he used to, he'd able to find everything beautiful and worthy; he'd see flowers and not think they were just colourful eyesores; he'd smile a little more; he'd laugh a little more and he'd be happy.

But unfortunately, life was not made to be easy to live but rather difficult to endure.

Yoongi laid his head back against his pillow and breathed slowly, falling asleep without a further nightmare.