courage [yoonkook]

e

Everything in the orphanage was quiet. Jungkook lay on his bed, holding his breath a little, watching the ceiling fan spin endlessly. He had gotten used to being around Hoseok and how loud he was; the silence, in its own way, was deafening.

He was waiting for his watch to tell him it was four in the morning. The sun would rise soon which was exactly what Jungkook wanted. He pushed the covers off his body slowly, careful not to wake anyone as he pried the back door open and slipped out into daybreak.

The park he remembered wasn't far but it certainly seemed the opposite as he wove through streets and grew tired quickly. When it did come to view, he heaved a sigh of relief and sat down on one of the worn out benches, watching the sun rise and waiting for someone.

Yoongi was running late. He had overslept his alarm and struggled to get dressed and use the bathroom without waking Yoonjin up. He'd banged his head against the sink a cumulative of six times before he was done. In the end, Yoonjin did wake up but Yoongi was already running out of the house with a panicked pace and flowers that were falling out of the bouquet, leaving a trail of roses as he ran.

Yoonjin had shrugged and went back to sleep.

He could just about see the park and the lone boy sitting on the centre bench, staring in awe at the sunrise. He smiled a little, straightening his shirt and went to sit next to Jungkook.

The flowers were shoved into Jungkook's face before Yoongi'd even said hello.

"Oh, hyung, you didn't have to..."

"Then let them die, I guess."

Jungkook feigned a frown and snatched the flowers, laughing afterward. "I will cherish them with all my heart, hyung, don't worry."

They stared at the sunrise, stealing glances of one another every now and then.

"This feels a little familiar, doesn't it?" Jungkook said.

Yoongi groaned, covering his blushing face. "I was so awkward about that."

"You really weren't. You were soul baring and beautiful."

Yoongi slapped Jungkook's shoulder as the younger simply laughed.

"Really, you were beautiful."

Yoongi rested his head on Jungkook's shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, listening to each other breath while watching the sun rise above the horizon, staining the sky all sorts of colours. There was something serene in the air - the smell of flowers or the spike of warmth or the rustling of birds waking in the trees. Something was there and they didn't want to move it so they kept it that way.

Yoongi sighed a little before he started. "I was, um, thinking yesterday. About how it's a bit sad that we've seen each other so close to death. As in, vulnerable."

"Hyung... where are you going with this?"

"I don't know. I was just thinking a lot about how that made us grow a lot closer - seeing each other like that. I tended to avoid coming to visit you but my heart never gave up. Every day the nurse would update me on how you were coping; when you felt down, so did I and when you were progressing, so was I. In the same way, I felt so vulnerable when I saw you unconscious in that bus seat next to me. At the time I didn't know what struck me. But I knew who you were. It wasn't an act of repayment or something out of the goodness of my heart - it was an act of selfish love. If you died, so would I, on the inside. I'm sorry about that."

Jungkook shook his head, smiling. "You think too much into things, hyung.

"The way I see it, is that your 'selfish love' grew into something more selfless as you brought me out of the bus. There's more to be said about 'selfish love' than what meets the eye. As I healed, the selflessness grew stronger until you managed to pick up enough strength (with Yugyeom and BamBam's help) to come see me. So although it was rocky at the beginning, distance-" he lifted their hands and pulled them together "-brought us closer."

"In its own weird way," Yoongi finished, glancing at their interlocked hands. "I also want to thank you for-"

"Shut up, hyung, I know what yo-"

Yoongi covered Jungkook's mouth. "-for saving my life when I was fifteen, yes, but more so for saving my life for the years after that. I already told you this, but the years after the car crash you gave me the motivation to keep living. Otherwise I would've resorted to... something else."

There was a lot of comfort to be found in talking to a loved one about the things that were plaguing a large portion of your life. Yoongi was proud to have such an amazing boyfriend by his side to talk to, live with, dream with, kiss and love. His heart swelled every time he thought of him - not because of what he'd done but because of who he was and how he'd come to appreciate him on his own; the way he spoke, his little mannerisms, the way his face would scrunch up when he'd kiss the tip of his nose. So much had changed from when he'd first met him; he was so cautious of his past at first and now, it was simply about the future - his future without one specifically ugly nightmare.

There was a silence and then Yoongi asked, "When does school start again?"

"Don't know, don't care."

Yoongi raised a brow and smirked.

"August 28th. But I only that because I was excited to see you again, okay?"

Yoongi hummed in approval, burying his head into Jungkook's chest.

"You know what, Jungkook," Yoongi started, lifting Jungkook up by his hands and bringing his closer.

"What?"

"I'm grateful for one thing above all."

Jungkook rolled his eyes but let Yoongi continue. "Yeah?"

"Of everything you've given me," he said, standing on his tip-toes to kiss his forehead, "the gift of courage was the best of all."