Thawed - ToMatt

2

(Published 9/2/17)

The strong smell of hazelnuts filled the chilly air, it dragged customers into the warm bookshop that Matt called home. The grey carpeting greeted them at the door. Treats and coffee teased the eyes, with books just being there as an excuse to stay much longer. The warm essence brought in many familiar faces, and many strangers. Tom was definitely a familiar face. Matt hoped he'd come today, he hadn't visited him at work in almost a week. He glanced out the large windows to see people walking by on the snow covered street. Clouds loomed over the buildings' roofs. He sighed through his nose and continued to organize the shelves.

Snow crunched under Tom's boots. He held his arms close to him, for his hands were stuffed in his pockets for warmth. His breath came out in small clouds, almost like he breathed out smoke.

That's all he ever thought of himself; he was pollution.

He only polluted the air by living. He wasn't the knight anymore, he was the dragon now. Breathing out smoke that made everyone cry in fear. He felt like a waste. He wasted everything. Wasting every breath of air that was made for someone else, selfishly panting as he panicked. Panicking on nights that seemed that the best way to live was to die. He saw himself as negative as the book of English words could give. He hated being alone. He hated being cold. And that was the only feeling he had.

It started once his mother dissed him for liking his classmate. Five year old Tom, a confused and tearful mess, wondered what was so bad about wanting the little boy next door (the one in his kindergarten class) to be his boyfriend. He protected him at school - from the dragons of the darkness during nap time, to the wild animals of the gym, and the bullies who picked on him for wandering on the wrong side of the playground. Tom would puff his chest out as he jumped in front of Blake, glaring daggers at the bullies. The small blonde boy was his first prince. He vowed to him that they would be kings together someday, ruling over their kingdom known as the world they lived in to this day.

Tom shook the memories away, his throat tightening into a lump. He assured himself that it wouldn't happen again. His mother wasn't here to ruin anything anymore. She wasn't here to tell him otherwise. Tom soon found himself walking into the soft yellow light the bookstore gave off. All his previous feelings dissolved. He looked around and spotted Matt as he chatted with a customer of his.

He held his head in his hand with his arm propped on the counter. He saw as he laughed and waved them goodbye. His icy eyes soon met with his black ones and Tom felt his face heat up. He walked over toward him and gave a small smile. "Look who's here!" Matt beamed, not moving from his position.

"So how's today so far?" Tom asked, wandering by a near table. "Well, it started off kinda hectic. Marina wasn't here this morning and everyone wanted coffee. So I was freaking out, I had to serve it myself, and I don't even know how to work that machine. Fifteen minutes later, I find myself standing there in the coffee area, not doing my job, but Marina's!" Matt rolled his eyes, "So I was like, I'm not doing this, and then..." Tom took a chair from the table and sat backwards in it, watching and listening as Matt rambled.

He suddenly remembered something and cut himself off, "Oh! Oh!" He grinned, "Around lunch, Boss left me to train the new guy." He jabbed a thumb over to a man in the back, organizing the shelves of pastries, coffee, and other treats. He chewed on a black coffee stirrer as he worked. "That's Paul!" The ginger waved to him. Paul gave a two finger salute, adverting his eyes over to the two before going back to work. "So far so good, today." He sighed. "How about you, Tommie?"

"Huh?" Tom knitted his brows together, "Um, well- I, uh.." He stumbled for words, "Good?" He replied finally, as if he were answering that by asking another question. Matt giggled, "Good!" He suddenly stood up straight. His boss walked in, scanning the area as he went for a cup of coffee. "Speak of the devil..." He murmured and turned around to clean out the shelves, his back now to Tom. "So, what did you come here for? Did you lose another book?" He asked as he pulled out some crumpled papers from the back and read over them to make sure they were okay to throw away.

"No, I uh..." He trailed, "I actually came to see you, y'know? Just to see how you were or if you needed something." The ginger's face reddened, his back still to Tom. He kept his composure, "How sweet of you!" He looked through some more papers, some were old, so old that they were dated back to way before he even thought about working at the shop.

"I don't need anything at the moment, thank you though!" Matt flashed a grin over to Tom as he pushed the papers down into the trash. His voice lowered, giving glances towards the back of the store as he spoke, "My boss is here, so I'm going to go help Paul stock the shelves in the coffee area. I'll see you in a few hours." He ruffled Tom's hair as he walked off.

That situation happened too fast for Tom. He sat there, dazed at the ginger's playful move, watching as he greeted Paul and helped him with the boxes. Tom sighed.

That simple gesture - that only made him begin to fall harder.