The Professor

Twenty-nine

  I woke up before Julie today. It's hard to sleep with all of this on my mind. With Dean losing his job, Aaron not speaking to me, how am I suppose to rest peacefully?

  The elevator opens for me.

  I can't help but feel so guilty about all of this. Dean didn't deserve to lose his job, but I caused him to anyway. This should've never happened.

  I walk past Dean's classroom. His door is open to expose him packing objects into a box on his desk.

  I sigh as I watch him. He seems so sad and sluggish. He should be. He just lost the one job he spent four years of college to work at. All because of me.

  I step in the doorway while tapping my knuckles on his door.

  He glances at me and turns his head away, continuing to pack office supplies into the box.

I exhale. "Dean," My voice utters gently.

  He avoids eye contact with me.

"Dean," I try again and continue anyway. "I never wanted this to happen."

  He turns around to the file cabinet behind him. "I know you didn't." He mutters while digging through the second drawer.

  I walk closer. "I'm sorry."

  He pulls out a stack of files and stops to face me. "I told you this isn't your fault."

"But, it is, Dean. I was the one who told Alex about us. It's all my fault." I choke down my tears.

  He sets the stack of files down in the box and faces me with his hand on his hip, the other resting on his desk. "We both knew what we were getting into when we started this. This is both of our faults." His voice becomes rough.

  I march towards him with my puppy eyes. "It's my fault. I was the one who caused all of this. If it weren't for me, you'd still have your job."

"Fine!" He snaps. "It's your fault. I'm not going back and forth about this all day." He snatches a plant off the floor and places it into the box.

  I watch him momentarily. "Don't be mad." My voice softens.

  He turns his head towards me with a frown. "How can I not be? I just lost my god damn job." He yanks his drawer open.

  I inhale deeply while staring at the ground. "I know." I declare softly. "I just wish this didn't happen."

  He faces me with his jaw pushed forward. "I wish none of this happened. I wish I never had sex with you."

  My chest tightens painfully. "You don't mean that." Tears rest on the waterline of my eyes.

"I do mean it. You wanna know why?" He narrows his eyes. "Because even though we had fun and all, you never loved me. You walked away, all for nothing. So yeah, I do regret all of it." He grabs scissors from the open drawer and places it in the box.

  My teeth press together tightly. "Only because you made it hard to love you!" I shout with fists by my sides. "You always wanted things your way, you never listened to what I wanted. You couldn't take 'no' for an answer!" My throat dries up as tears roll down my cheeks.

"Have you ever thought that  you were the one who was complicated?" His eyes narrow. "You were always the one to start the arguments, you were the one who wouldn't even listen to me, and you were the one who never loved me! You know what? I never loved you either!"

I gasp, my face wet from my tears. My teeth grit when I growl, "Go to hell." I quickly turn my back and march out of his room so that he won't have the last laugh.