Self Harm, Depression and Fake Smiles. - ( Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 33.

Today we have a concert. It may be my last ever concert, that thought probably should terrify me, but it doesn't.

2:00 pm, six hours before we go on stage.

Everyone is at the stadium rehearsing. The concert we're doing today is to raise money for a children's cancer hospital fund. Tomorrow, we're going to the children's hospital to spend some time with all the kids there.

Zayn keeps popping outside to take phone calls and to have cigarettes and everyone's starting to get annoyed, as it's interrupting our rehearsal time.

"Right Zayn, you've got to stay inside now. We need to make sure you in particular, know exactly what you're doing tonight." Paul says.

"Sorry." He says, walking back inside.

4:00 pm, four hours before we go on stage.

Ashton, Luke, Calum and Michael all arrive at 3 o'clock, half an hour later than they were scheduled to.

We watched them rehearse, as they're opening for us tonight, along with Camryn, a young girl who support us on the Take Me Home tour.

We all sit around, rehearsing, eating and playing video games. I beat Michael on Fifa, 8-4, he didn't seem to happy.

Sitting around, having a laugh with my eight best friends makes me happy. It gives me one of the best feeling in the world. It's like being a child on Christmas day and opening the one present you were desperate to get. It's that warm, happy, exited feeling. A feeling I don't get very often.

6:00 pm, two hours before we go on stage.

We ordered more food, including five pizza's, a box of chips each and two boxes of onion rings. Paul came in to check that we were all still awake and ready to go on stage soon. Zayn was asleep and wasn't too happy that we got woken up.

We gave him a mug of coffee to keep him awake.

7:30 pm, half an hour before we go on stage.

Camryn came off stage and came straight to our dressing room, to thank us for choosing her as a support act. We say it's no problem, then she left.

It was quite an awkward situation, as we didn't actually request or choose her as a support act. We chose the 5 Seconds of Summer lads, but management said we needed at least two support acts for a charity event.

5SOS are on stage currently and we're all getting ready to go on stage ourselves in just half an hour. Lou is doing hair and make up for everyone.

I check my phone and find a text from my Dad.

"Good luck tonight, bud. Play your little heart out! Love Dad x".

My face lights up, even though I can't see it, I can feel it. My Dad will wish me luck every time I go on stage, but my Mum has never said good luck once.

Actually, she did say it one time, but not in the way my Dad does. I was about seven years old and we were at Parents Evening. My Dad always used to attend every Parents Evening at my school, but my mum never took any interest. She said there was no point. But for once, she actually came, but by the end of it, I wish she didn't.

We sat with my drama teacher, Miss Brown, she asked me what I wanted to do when I was older. I said that I wanted to become famous. The minute I said it, my mum burst out laughing, causing a scene. She laughed at me, in front of my dad and my favourite teacher.

"Ha! Good luck with that!" She said through tears of laughter. My dad sat there, shaking his head at her. My teacher stayed silent, hardly looking up from the desk.

I felt my heart sink and it felt as though my lungs caved in. The pain I felt was almost indescribable, my own mother was trying to ruin my dreams. She had no faith in me, not even when I was just seven years old.

Even now she doesn't have any faith in me. She says the only reason I'm as famous as I am is because I have good looking band members.

Apparently, if Harry wasn't in the group, we would be nothing, because, 'Harry is the one who brings all of the fame. Nobody else in your damn band is any good at singing', according to my mum.

I type a reply to my dad as I wait for the other boys to get their make-up and hair done.

"Thanks Dad, I'll speak to you later. Love N xx"

I hit send, wait for the message to go, then turn my phone off. All of a sudden, the 5SOS boys run into the room, sweaty and loud.

"That crowd is fucking amazing!" Michael says, pouring water over his face to cool off.

"Always a good sign when the support act is sweaty." Harry jokes, earning a small but noticeable glare from Louis, which shortly turns into a small giggle.

Ashton tells me about how he nearly broke the drum kit again and Calum tells me about some girl in the front row who's boobs nearly fell out of her dress when she bounced up and down to the music.

"Boys! Come on! Now!" Paul shouts, poking his head through the door.

We all stand up and get ready for the show. I'm about to go on stage to do possibly my final ever show.

As we walk onto the stage, the crowd roars. As we begin to sing, a flashing poster catches my eye. My heart rate picks up immensely as I read;

Niall has my heart.

*       *        *

Coming off stage after that performance gives me such a buzz, it was one of the best shows I've ever done. Then I started to think, maybe, just maybe, that won't be my last show.