Make Me (Editing)

thirty

"I know you didn't want me to do anything fancy when I asked you, but here we are," he chuckled nervously. "So Ally Carson, will you be my girlfriend?"

I stood speechless, staring at the beautiful little ring as I tried to come up with a suitable reply. Truth be told, I had no clue what to say in a moment such as this.

"I- ah-," I mentally kicked myself as I stumbled over my words. "I'm really flattered that you would ask me, and put this effort in-"

"You're saying no?" He jumped to the conclusion, and rather rightly so, which both caught me off guard and relieved me at the same time. "I can't believe that after all this time, you're actually rejecting me right now."

"I'm not rejecting you," I placed my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. "I just don't know if I'm quite ready to take that next step yet. I have a lot going on right now, and I don't see anything wrong with keeping our relationship as is."

"I'm sorry," he replied with his eyes now glued to the floor. "I can't be mad at you for being honest."

"And it's not necessarily a permanent 'no' either," I continued my defence. "Even though I'm not ready right now, who knows what will happen in the future?"

"So there's a chance you'll never change your mind then?"

I took a deep breath as I once again considered my response.

"I'm just saying that I can't make any promises," I spoke softly. "After the couple of weeks I've just lived through, my mind is all over the place."

"I'm assuming this has something to do with your boss then?" He brought Tyler into the equation out of thin air, taking me off guard for the umpteenth time tonight. "Tell me the truth, Al. Are you and him fooling around?

"What the heck, Nate," I was a little irritated that he so quickly assumed the worst, that Tyler and I had gone all the way while I was still seriously seeing and sleeping with Nate too. Sure I hadn't been entirely honest with him, but he was accusing me of some serious shit which I wasn't the type to be involved in. "I haven't once had sex with another man since I started seeing you, and if you're honestly questioning that, then you obviously don't know a thing about me."

"Ok maybe that was a little unreasonable and I'm sorry again," he took my hands in his. "But you have to understand why I'm a little confused at your answer, given that you've pretty clearly told me that you want this with me before today."

I sighed internally as I stood in silence, my heart pounding as I decided that the only option I had was to let him in on where my mind was at with Tyler, and how that affected my thoughts for the man in front of me.

Just as I was about to start my explanation, the door to our room opened to reveal a number of waiters and waitresses, the first one carrying a wine bottle and the other trailing behind with large trays of food. It appeared that we had a set menu of assorted meals, which was perfect since I could never properly choose between them all.

Once the table was packed full of food, the staff left us alone again, pulling the door behind them.

"This looks really great," I commented politely as we took our seats on either side of the table. "Thanks for doing this."

"It's my pleasure," he smiled, starting to dig in to the platter closest to him.

For the next few minutes we ate in silence, savouring the taste of the delicious food before us. However, the silence was thick with tension, and wasn't a particularly comfortable atmosphere to be in, so I decided to bite the bullet and be honest with Nate, at least more than I had been in the past.