Encounters

10. Science

"Hey, Fern," he greeted me as I sat down. I gave him a tight smile, the words unable to come out. When Blue walked in he gave her a little wave as well and she blushed and waved back. It was an adorable sight and it made my chest tighten again. Breathe, I told myself, just breathe out everything. But I couldn't and instead I started coughing.

Greyson stared at me in shock, not knowing what to do probably, so I had to recover on my own. Once I stopped coughing he asked if I wanted some water and I said no. Nothing could drown out the tightness in my chest whenever I heard his name or when he was near me. Nothing could make the chain around my heart loosen whenever I saw Greyson stare fondly towards Blue.

I don't know when I realised I liked him. I don't even know when it had begun. I just remembered the time I saw his smile and I thought I wouldn't mind keeping that for forever. But that smile never belonged to me. It was meant for Blue: beautiful, charming Blue. Blue who deserved the world and more and I was sure that Greyson could at least give her a piece of it.

That made me happy. Though the sense of sadness was never too far away. They didn't need to know how I felt, that would complicate things unnecessarily and I would feel as though I was tainting their relationships.

So I just smiled and pretended everything was fine. I talked with Greyson and with Blue and with them both. I learned to breathe through a tight chest and a strangled heart. I learned all that for them and for me.

And by the time it was Spring, Mr Ash decided to 'shake up' our seating plans and I was no longer next to him, just Forest. But Greyson was next to Blue and they were happy and that was a good thing. I want to say that when we stopped sitting next to each other, I finally learnt how to breathe.  But in all honesty, I've been a few breaths short since.

()()()

The end of the beginning.

Dedicated to all the ones who cared too deep and received too little:
We'll find our matching colour one day.