Unspoken Words

three

"hi."

oh no, a boy. the boy.

my heart starts to race, my hands are sweaty and my palms are clammy. suddenly the air is thicker and my lungs have seemed to forget how to breathe.

it wasn't the way he said hi, it was him. everything about him.

the way he walked, he carried maturity and hidden desire.

his smile, he was gentle and kind yet deep and mysterious.

his eyes, they revealed innocence and an unveiled fire to feel something, feel someone.

to the world he was simple and possibly boring.

to the wise eye he was beauty and kindness in its finest form.

a boy.

i looked to him and smiled, one of many of my fake smiles.

it isn't because i am not fond of him, or wonder what he hides behind his eyes - but because i am afraid he will find out what deep and horrible things lie behind my eyes.

he made me want to be perfect and happy, he numbed the feeling of darkness and pain.

he was the cover of the blade i held against my wrists, he stopped my brain from thrashing around in my skull, he stopped my soul from pacing in it's cage, he slowed the blood that oozed from my broken vessel.

"hi."

the dulled fire in my soul was set alight again and my soul danced softly.

my soul was alive. the possibility of finding another kindred soul, exciting.