You're My Life, Sir! *COMPLETED*

Chapter29

I woke up with a severe pain in my right hand. It's red swelled and still bleeding. I tried to get up but my head hurts so bad. I closed my eyes and just laid there in silence. Every memory of us started knocking the door of my brain and heart, I felt tears running down my cheeks again. It's Nov 5th and just in 3days, I'll be 26, my colleagues will throw a big party for me just like every year but it won't be the same as my 20th birthday or my birthdays I've celebrated with my family and Robert but the most important thing, It would have been our wedding anniversary too on Nov 8th, Our 6th wedding anniversary.

I sighed a deep and decided to get ready for office. I went straight to the bathroom and washed my hand. I saw the blood running from my hands into the drain just like my life. Everyday I try to wash my sins but they are like part of my life now. I feel like I've murdered someone. It feels like thousand of knives are stabbing my heart for my dark deeds. I'm a sinner and I know it. I know I've murdered his feelings. I know I've stabbed him straight in his heart. I know I've broken his heart into pieces that no one could ever arrange them back not even me.
What have I done to him? What have I done to myself?

Shana, Stop now. It's all past. You're a successful young lady. A famous writer and a journalist. What you done was what you wanted to do that time and there's nothing you can change so accept the reality and move on. You've got everything, a famous personality, a great life, royal status, respect and all those things you once dreamed.

I looked in the mirror and slapped myself straight in the face 3 times.

I have a job to do, so I gotta take my shit and move my ass. I took a hot bath, wrap the towel like dress and went to the wardrobe.
I decided to wear my regular grey pencil skirt and white button up shirt and my long warm coat. I make a perfect bun of my long hairs and put some make-up. It's 10am and I'm so late for the office now. I grabbed my phone, charger, laptop, wallet and the put them in my bag and ran downstairs. I can see that my cook has already made breakfast for me but I don't have the time to sit and eat so I'll just have an apple.

Arthur? I shouted.

Yes ma'am? He came running from the kitchen.

I don't have enough time to do breakfast, Thanks for making it but sorry, I'm already late for the office, I'll have an apple. Bye.

Okay Ma'am, but why are you in so much hurry for office in the weekend? He said in his british accent.

Shit! I forgot.. It's Sunday. I said slapping my forehead.

It's okay ma'am, so will you have your breakfast now?

He asked with concern but I don't feel like eating anything or staying at home.

No thanks! I have some work, I'll be back soon, you go enjoy your weekend. Bye.

Bye ma'am.

I left my apartment and decided to take stairs so it will warm me up a little for the outside cold weather.

I reached the parking, unlocked my car and just sat there for few minutes thinking where should I go? I want some alone time, I need to stop thinking about my past and focus on my present. I start the ignition and decided to just drive off, don't know where but far from the city and after 2 hours of driving I stopped my car near the Thames river outside the city. I come here only when I feel so lonley or when it hurts to bad or when I miss Robert. I sat on the grass, it's wet from the snow fall and water droplets. It's so silent in here, so calm. I can see the sky, it's all dark blue and red. I can hear the sound of river flow, I can see the leaves laying dead on the ground, all the trees are uncovered, naked but so beautiful. Sometimes it feels like they are more happy than us, when the autumn comes they all die and just with time, they grow again, they shine again, they dance again with spring.
I just laid there thinking about everything I've done or rest of the things I can do in the future. It feels like all these things are telling me to grow again, to shine again, to live again just like these trees. I've had enough of autumn in my life, it's time for the spring again.
It strike in my head, the idea of being happy again, the idea of live again. Yes, I will laugh again, I will live again.
I can feel my body suddenly just got lighter and I can feel the positive vibes and energy in my mind and body.
I need to talk to dad, it's been months since I've talked to him. After my divorce with Robert, my relation with Mom and Dad just got a little screwed up. They thought I'm being selfish and cold hearted because of the fame and yes they were right. They tried to make me understand the true meaning of love and life but I was so blind that time that I didn't see that I'm not only hurting Robert but myself also. They are still in touch with him but we don't talk about him even if I ask they just shrug it off.
I took out my phone dialed dad's number.

(D- Dad, M- Me)

D- Hello!

M- Hey Daddy!

D- Hey Shana! How are you sweetie? Where have you been? You didn't call nor replied to ours?

M- Yeah I was busy, Sorry!

D- That's okay.. What is it? You sound so slow? Is everything alright?

I stayed silent on that question for about 20 seconds.

D- Shana? You're there? What happend baby?

M- Dad, I'm really sorry for everything, I know I've ruined everything I had, my relation with Robert, my relation with you guys, I really miss him dad, I really miss you and mom, I feel so lost here dad! I got everything I ever dreamed of but it doesn't make me happy anymore. After the 4-5 months of my divorce I realized I can't stay happy without him, I can't live without him still I managed all these years but I'm so done and tired with everything. I want to come back dad!! I know I can't rewind all these years but I will survive anyhow there with you people and my old life but if I'll stay here for one more day I'll die dad! I feel like killing myself, I can't handle this anymore. I've collected this guts to call you and say all these because I can't handle all this anymore. Either I'll have my old life or I'll die.

I started crying and letting all the pain go away as I was happy that my dad is somewhere near me, listening to me.

D- Shana, baby please don't do anything stupid, you know how much we love you. I can't live without you sweetie. Please come back here, we miss you so much and we need you too. Everything will be fine, just stop crying, you're my strong angel. Daddy loves you darling.

M- I'm coming dad.. Thanks for listening me and accepting me again. I really need you guys.

D- It's your home Shana! You have all the rights to come back anytime, don't say that we're taking you back. We love you baby! Just come fast! Can't wait to see you. It's been 2years since you've gone. We really miss you.

M- I miss you all too dad! Tell mom that her monster is coming back home!

We laughed and talked about the rest of the things for hours and then I came back to my apartment, parked my car, and went straight to my room and slept for the rest of the day with happy feelings after a long time.