That's What I Thought | s.m

Chapter Thirty-Five

c h a p t e r  t h i r t y - f i v e.
t h a t ' s  w h a t  i  t h o u g h t.
s h a w n  m e n d e s.

"Has she woke up yet?" Andrew's voice boomed at the other side of the phone, my pulsating headache from endless days of waiting by the phone throbbed at the back of my brain

"Not yet," I sighed, rubbing the back of my head with my hand, hoping it would ease the pain

"She'll pull though man, don't lose hope," Andrew was still at the hospital as he hadn't fully recovered yet, a few floors up from where Melody was being treated, so when I had to come back home to shower or change clothes, he updated me regularly on her progress. It was his idea so I wasn't being particularly selfish, but I couldn't prevent the tinge of guilt that kept pricking at the corners of my mind.

"I hope so, man, I really fucking hope so," I breathed, the pain seeping through my words as I kept the distant echoes of denial further back in my thoughts.

"I'll call you with any updates as soon as I hear," Andrew stated, pulling me from my daze

"It's okay, I'm coming back soon, just grabbing a shower and I'll be on my way," Throwing the towels over the rack, I turned the shower on before grabbing my clothes from the banister

"Alright, Shawn, see you soon," Hanging up, I set my phone into my room and went back into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it. Stripping down, I stepped in and let the warm water trickle down my back, removing the coldness I was feeling before.

After washing my hair and body, I stepped back out and dried myself off, pulling a plain white shirt over my head and slipping on some black jeans. Grabbing my phone from my bedroom, I dropped it once more as it was burning hot, due to the messages and calls that kept flooding in.

"Ian, what is it?" I asked once I'd picked up the next incoming call

"It's Melody," he breathed, as if he'd just ran up several flights of stairs

"What's happened?" my voice was wary and filled with fear. I was dreading the answer to that question, but as I was waiting, I grabbed my car keys from the kitchen bench and threw a plain black hoodie over my head.

"She's dying," he whispered

My heart stopped beating, my emotions ran cold and my mind stopped working. Dying. This can't be happening, not now, not ever.

"I'm on my way." I croaked. I threw the door open and closed it, locking it behind me. Jumping into the Jeep, I reared the engine and sped to the hospital. I wasn't about to let her die on me, I made a promise, I just hope I'm not too late.

"Ian?" I shouted from the bottom of the ward, he was standing talking to a nurse while multiple others rushed into the door in front of them

"Shawn, you can't go in there yet, they're doing surgery," he put his arm out in front to prevent me from venturing any further

"I don't fucking care, let me in there now!" I spat, removing his arm with my mind set on going in, but before I could open the door, I caught sight of her lying on the bed. Her face was blue as the mask on her face kept her breathing. Her heart rate was frantic, going in all directions as the beep's ran through my mind.

This is really happening. It's not a dream or figment of my imagination. It's not my mind playing tricks on me. It's real.

Taking a step back, I decided not to interfere with the surgery incase it caused her more harm. I couldn't cause her more harm. I wouldn't.

"What happened?" I whispered to the nurse, my voice hoarse as I held back the tears that would trigger a breakdown

"Her heart stopped around twenty minutes ago and that triggered off signals, we rushed her into surgery straight after and she's been in there for at least fifteen minutes," she placed her hand on my back but I shrugged it off, I didn't want to come off as rude but I didn't care anymore, "I'll leave you to process this," she gave a soft smile before leaving and joking the other nurses

"She'll pull through, man. Don't give up," Ian pulled me in for a hug as he patted my back in reassurance

"Man, I don't know, why did I have to pull her into all of this? Fuck, I'm so selfish," I sighed, sitting down on the waiting chair outside the theatre and running a hand through my curly locks in frustration

"You're not selfish, you were hurting, it's understandable," Ian sat down beside me, trying his best to be as comforting as possible

"That's the thing though Ian, it's not understandable, there's no way I can defend myself anymore, it's my fault and I can't deny it any longer. I have to face the facts even if that leads me to live with the consequences for the rest of my life." I clasped my hands together and pressed them to my forehead as I bowed my head is disappointment, this wasn't supposed to happen.

Half an hour later I hadn't moved from the chair, Ian had left to get some food from the vending machine but I wasn't in the mood for food, which was a change since I'd never turned it down before, but right now, I was sick to my stomach and if I ate the slightest bit of anything, I was sure I'd throw it right back up.

"Mr. Mendes?" the doctor emerged from the theatre, clipboard in his hands as his white uniform gave me a feeling of nausea

"Yes, that's me," I jumped from my seat and met the man half way

"She's still alive and her heart rate is steady, but she can't breathe by herself yet and she still hasn't woken up, we're going to need to keep her in surgery for another half an hour to finish the process but you'll be able to see her after that," my heart did a flip of happiness, she was still alive and that's the most important thing.

"Do you know when?" I asked, impatient and in need of seeing her

"We'll come and see you when we're ready," he smiled as I nodded in reply, sitting back down on the chair, I was flooded with relief and thankfulness that she was still with me.

"I will never leave you again, Melody. Never," and with that I vowed to always be by her side through everything, thick and thin, no matter how hard it got, or how endangered we were, as long as we had each other, we'd get through anything.

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a well overdue update, enjoy!!