That's What I Thought | s.m

Chapter Thirty-Six

c h a p t e r  t h i r t y - s i x.
t h a t ' s  w h a t  i  t h o u g h t.
s h a w n  m e n d e s.

I held her hand as tight as possible, afraid if I let it go I'd lose her forever, and that was not a risk I was willing to take.

I wanted to hold her, as close as I could. I needed her to wake up. What have I done?

"We seem to end up here a lot," I sniffed, rubbing my thumb on her hand, "But it always seems to be you on the bed, lying up and fighting for your life," Taking a deep breath, I kissed her palm, "I just wish things were normal for us, even though I know, that now I'm involved, it won't be, but I promise, when you wake up I will never leave you like I did before.

"I know you can hear me, well hopefully, and I want to remind you that I still love you. And I know after everything I've put you through it seems like I'm only saying that, but I truly mean it. I love you, Melody May Reagan, and I always will." I wiped the small tear that escaped my eye and continued with a sad smile, "I'll never forget all the memories we shared and all those nights when I didn't have work, how we would stay in and watch movies like normal couples or take it up to the bedroom instead." I chuckled at my last comment and wiped a stray hair from her face, "You are so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. Why did I throw all that away?"

Sighing loudly, I kissed her forehead lightly and sat back down in my seat, rubbing my thumb over her hand.

"You didn't throw it all away," Her small voice croaked, her eye lids fluttering open as she clutched my hand, "You were stupid. We all make stupid mistakes, some of us more than others, and that leads to consequences,"

"Oh my G-" Shushing me with her soft voice, I leaned over and placed a small peck to her forehead

"I'm so sorry for leaving you, I'm so so sorry. I was selfish, and idiotic and I wasn't thinking clearly-"

"Shawn," She croaked, "It's okay, you're here now, that's all that matters," Patting the space on the bed beside her she moved over, giving me a space to lie beside her

"I can't, what if they catch us? And I should probably tell the doctor you've woken up," I smiled, placing a gentle kiss on her hand

Shaking her head, she locked eyes with me, "No, not now. Not yet. I just want to rest and I can't do that without you here,"

Nodding, I walked over and locked the door, pulling the blind down so we wouldn't be caught. Walking back over, I lifted the covers and slipped under as she rested her head upon my chest.

"I'm so sorry, Melody, I didn't mean for this to happen," I whispered, after moments of silence

"It's okay, Shawn, you tried to do what's best for me, you just didn't realize it was the worst thing you could have ever done," Wiping a year from her eye, I leaned in and placed a soft kiss against her dried lips

"I'll never leave you again. Mark my words. I'll always be here to protect you, I'm so sorry about what I did but I will do everything I can to make sure you live the happiest life ever. It'll be filled with love and laughter, happiness and sometimes sadness but that's okay, because we can just get through that together. There'll be the hard times and the good times but through it all I'll never leave your side. I love you so much, Melody. Don't ever forget that," I smiled

"I love you so much more, Mendes. Thank you for everything, I don't know where I'd be without you. I'm so grateful to have you in my life," She whispered, stroking my cheek with her thumb

Leaning in once more, I kissed her again, but this time it was full of passion and love, as if all the time of missing her was being transferred into this once kiss. As I pulled her closer and started to trail the kisses down her neck, I realized how much I needed her. I was never going to leave her again, and that was a promise.

"Shawn?" She breathed, between catching her breath and kissing me

"Yes, beautiful?"

"I love you so much, don't ever forget that. I'm ready to take on the world with you," She sat on top of me and placed her forehead against mine.

"I'm more than ready. But first..." I smiled, pulling her hospital gown over her shoulders, revealing her beautiful, scarred body underneath. Her curves were stunning, she always hated her body, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. She reminded me of an angel, radiant like the sun, and as stunning as you could ever imagine. No matter her flaws, she would always be perfect to me.

"Are you sure about this? You've only woke up from a coma?" I placed my hand on her cheek. Leaning into it, she kissed my palm

"I'm sure," Slipping off my top she began to trail kisses down my chest, down towards my crotch

"Oh and, Melody?" I stated, making her look up, "I love you more,"

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wow so this is the closest to smut i've ever written and now i'm gonna go drown myself in holy water lmao

a long overdue update and i hope you enjoy