Red Rain

Chapter 15 - Come Undone

My thoughts are tangled, trying to figure out what Dani means. "Is that what you've been trying to hide all this time?" I ask. "You...you're...you're trans?"

"Yeah," Dani says. "I am. I just...I wish I could have..." She can't find the words. (Or is it "he?" I'll have to ask.)

"Don't tell me," I say. "Am I the first one you've ever told?"

"No, but...wait, you believe me? Just like that?"

"It's not the first time I've been the first person someone's come out to," I say. That makes me sound so much more experienced with this sort of thing than I really am, but it's better than having no such experience at all.

Dani shakes her head. "Why do I feel like you're bullshitting me?"

"What? No, I'm not! I swear-"

"I don't believe this," Dani grumbles, her head in her hands. "I was stupid, as usual. Everything I do is fucking stupid!" She slams her fists on the mattress, grunting angrily.

"Shh! Keep your voice down!"

Dani starts crying all over again. "It's true, though. I always make the worst decisions. And I always push people away for taking an interest in my life." She stops and takes a shuddering breath. "My life, which has been nothing but mountains of crap. Why do you think I'm so angry all the time?"

"I don't see you being angry," I say. "Well, except for right now, that is."

Dani scoffs. "You have no idea how angry I am, Alex. I've always been angry, because it's the only thing that's kept me going."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't make me talk about it, please."

I take Dani's hand again. "Look, Dani, it's okay. I'm your friend." That's right, do what Luca would do. "And right now, this friend is very concerned about you. Go ahead, talk to me."

Dani swallows, then wipes her eyes again. "I..."

I sit there, looking her in the eye. "Please. Don't hold it in."

"Fine. I'll tell you before you ask again. Have you ever noticed that I barely ever fly?"

"Yeah." I look away for a second before adding, "Luca and I were just talking about that the other day. Like, you don't even fly during gym class."

"Yes, that," Dani says. "Well, the truth is, I actually don't know how to fly that well, because...because my parents would..." She swallows again, then takes a deep breath. "They did things to me to make sure I couldn't fly. I mean, at first, I just went along with it, 'cause I didn't know any better. But as I got older and I started really getting my powers, my mom - she was really crazy about it - she didn't give me a choice in the matter."

"What did she do?"

"She mostly tried to keep me from flying, 'cause she couldn't really do much about my other powers. So she would cut my feathers off - I actually got my skin cut too once when I was ten, and it got infected because they didn't sterilize the wound enough. My dad, he blamed himself, and he tried to make it up to me. He tried to take me with him and go back to Heaven, but my mom called the cops and got him arrested. So I was at my mom's mercy for six more years." She clears her throat. "A-And then she really doubled down on the psycho. She bought me human bras so the straps would keep my wings tied down, and she made me wear binders - you know, those compression things trans boys use to hide their breasts? Anyway, she'd make me bind my wings so they wouldn't show."

"Holy shit," I whisper. "That sounds awful."

"You're telling me," Dani says. "People actually thought I was trans, especially when I started high school." She lets out a tearful laugh. "My butch hair didn't help either. I just really prefer it short."