Chicken Soup For The Soul- Redone

Breathing

(Inhale.)

Tears begin to flood my face like a cup left

Under a

Running faucet well after the water has

Reached the rim,

My heart leaping to my throat,

Getting caught,

Squeezing,

Twisting,

Tearing.

My throat contracting around the emotions

That threaten

To leap up and out of my lips,

My stomach

Rumbling,

Wrestling,

Knotting.

My hands quiver as I reach up to blot

The tiny teardrops,

Leaving footprints down my cheeks.

The path that awaits me

Suddenly seems like a pilgrimage,

One foot,

Next foot,

Step,

Step,

I see you.

(I see her.)

You smile.

I smile.

(She leaves.)

You ask how I am.

(I lie.)

I reply that I'm fine

(Even though my heart has just crept

Up into my mouth and is jumping up and down

On my tongue like an Olympic diver

Waiting to hit the water.)

I want to say that I miss you,

Let you know that every moment I'm awake

I think of you.

I want you to know that I miss your arms,

Your smile,

Your lips.

I want you to know that

(I'm incomplete)

My body hurts,

My soul bleeds.

I ask how you are

(Hoping against all hope that you'll tell me

What I want to hear).

You reply,

(Your answer not including that you miss me,

That you miss my arms, my lips, my touch).

My eyes attempt to strip you down to your

Soul

(Searching for what I once knew so well).

They get lost,

(But find their way back to reality when they

Graze over the [ever-fading] hickey, just

Above the collar of the shirt she bought

You).

My heart leaps off the end of my

Tongue,

Wanting you to see the way you've hurt me

Wanting you to hurt the same way.

It falls to the ground.

(She calls you).

You hastily say goodbye,

(As you trot over to her)

Stomping,

Squishing,

Mutilating

My vulnerable, fallen heart.

(Not even pausing long enough to scrape it off

The bottom of your shoe, like a discarded

Piece of gum.)

She wraps her arms around your neck,

Beings her lips to yours...

(Your ears still turn red.)

People pass, as if I don't even exist.

(I want to cry, scream, shout.)

I want someone to find my heart,

Being it back,

Piece it together.

I turn away,

Hoping that one day it won't hurt

(As much)

And hoping that I will again be able to

Call you and have you come over to me,

Be able to buy you shirts that match

Your eyes,

(And leave the telltale hickey just above

The collar)

And will still be able to make your ears

Turn red from the

Friction of our lips.

I walk away,

Knowing my heart will not follow.

(Exhale.)

-Michelle Siil