Broken- And Fixed Again- (A Jamilton Fanfic)

Chapter 24: Flight

//TW: thoughts of self-hatred\\

Thomas

I never realized I had forgotten what it was like to fly until I was miles above the ground, no longer subject to the whims and ideals of the earth, putting a world of anger and fear behind me once and for all. A refreshing, renewing breeze carried me to a palace high in the clouds, Alexander's hand wrapped around mine as he guided me to something extraordinary. For the first time in years, I had that complete swell of bliss and happiness and something so much more that could never quite be acknowledged. And deep within the caverns of my fractured soul, something bloomed. Something thrived.

Every morning feels like another chapter of an unending dream, especially when I wake to find his arms wrapped securely around my waist. There's a particular gaze in his eyes, as though nothing in the world exists but us. And as the pink and orange light of a new dawn washes over the two of us as we lay in each other's arms—each other's presences—he kisses me, long and sweet and soft. He kisses me and he pulls me closer, as if afraid of what would happen should he let go. He murmurs the same words, the same promises, and touches me in all the same, soft ways. And the sun beams in through the window, dancing across his face and lighting up the entire world with it.

I cannot repeat what he says to me every morning. Simply because it is so much more than his simple words. It is so much more than just the sentences that flow out of his mouth, but rather the most fundamental emotions and feelings lingering behind them. I cannot describe the things he promises me, for that would tarnish their glow, but I can say that with every word he murmurs in the early morning, where neither of us are fully aware of the rules fabricated by the society around us, my wings carry me a little higher, and the sky grows a lighter, more encompassing shade of blue.

Every morning starts just the same and yet, is filled with such endless potential and hope completely different from anything I had ever experienced before.

Although, I think it is safe to say that Alexander is completely different from anything I had ever experienced before.

I bask in his glow like blooming flowers in the sunlight, depending on him for my very survival. And whenever he glances my way, gracing me with a warmth he has promised nobody else, I finally feel...alive. I feel as if everything else in the world could disappear or shrivel up and die, but as long Alexander would continue to burn as brightly as he always does, I'd never even notice.

Alexander had given me something I thought I would never see again. He had given me my wings and he had given me my freedom.

Eventually, one morning, after Alexander took my hands in his and brought them to his lips just as he always did, my curiosity got the better of me. I had to ask. I had to know. I had to know what he saw in me that made me so worth his time. Because whatever it was, I didn't see the same thing. Whatever he saw when he looked at me was not the same thing I saw staring back at me in the mirror. He saw something beautiful, something delicate, something worth his time.

And I wanted to see everything he saw.

So I had to know.

"Al-Alexander?" I asked, my voice spilling over the peace of the moment and rendering it null and void. The smile flickered from his face, most likely at the unsteadiness in my tone. I tried to keep my eyes trained on his, but I wavered and faltered and fell a thousand miles flat. So I gazed down, finding it easier to focus on the blanket than on him. The blanket was solid and real, while Alexander was...on a different level altogether.