Existent

Losing you.

Three days belonging to the universe. Just, three days. A mere 72 hours. Only then to realize how the universe was never mine to keep so, letting it go, was almost like-                                              letting go of gravity, and falling, yet falling nowhere. Sinking through space and time, losing all sense of existence. 

Seeing you, for the first time after losing you, was like seeing you for the last time. Each, and every, fucking day, It felt like saying goodbye. But my mouth was sealed shut. I had no courage to face you, but I could feel you everywhere. 

Turning up at school, was like reliving the heartbreak. My heart was in my mouth, I could hear it beating so loudly. It bounced off the walls, it echoed through the halls but could you hear it? Please, tell me, you could hear it. I still wished you could even though I knew you had become deaf to my wishes. Could I blame you? No. Because on the outside, I was getting on with life, smiling when appropriate, laughing in sync to the idiotic jokes of fools I despised. 

Inside? My body was overflowing in ice cold water, I was drowning. You couldn't see that, but oh, how I wanted you to. The electricity as my glare would catch your eyes in the middle of a drying classroom. You must of thought I was trying to string you along, though all my ties were broke. I revoked every word I had uttered to you in my mind, because I never got the chance to tell you, that you had become my life. 

With every fleeting moment, As you began to move on, I fell further and further into the black hole of loving you. Eternity was endless, wanting you was divine pain, it shattered through my rib cage, the splinters puncturing. 

I thought it would be simple, I thought I could wake up the next day without a trace of you in my mind, I had done that before right? Gotten over a liar. Except only now, I was the liar. The shark in your waters, eager to bite. I never meant to crush your soul, All I wanted was to keep you whole, but now, I know, I cracked you wide open. And as I washed my mind in a dizzy haze, you cleansed your body in toxicity. 

Both madly in love, yet consumed in loathing. 40 days of immense hell, for a lifetime of absolute admiration? You gave the devil a second chance, you beautiful angel.