I Really Messed Up, Guys: A Supernatural Self Harm Fic

His Idea

 You guys, I am way too tired to edit this tonight, but it's kind of fun so I'll edit it tomorrow. 

Okay, I love you all and thank you for reading. <3 

Dean went to get the pan of mac and cheese. Crap, he thought. Should've got her a cake... or a pie. If I'm buying and I'm eating too it's gonna be a pie. He sprinkled more cheese on top and added the bread crumbs after baking, remembering how she liked it even though they hadn't had any in at least a couple of years. He was good at remembering small details like that. He could even remember how much ketchup Sammy liked on his easy-mac when they were kids. It was a big brother's job. He knew he took it to a higher level than most, but family was all they had, so he was going to make sure it was the best damn one around. It wasn't like they had a mom around to remember details like that, and Dean remembered them with ease. He made sure collars were turned down and even knew about when Case's cycle started, much to his horror, so he could check the bathroom cabinet and make sure she had enough supplies. Sometimes, though, if he noticed she only had a couple left he would make her ask for them. The miserable blush on her face when she asked was too cute and too hilarious to miss all the time. He put the cheese away, grabbed a couple beers in one hand, and carried everything out to the study table.

Sam looked at the extra layer of cheese on top and made his really? face. "Got enough dairy there?"

"Come on, Sammy. Gotta stay regular. Besides, I made it to her taste. Not mine." Dean was a little surprised that Casey wasn't out of her room yet. He knew that her door would be open, but she usually didn't isolate for so long unless something was bugging her. It might have been the importance of the date, but she had no idea that they'd planned anything. They hadn't really planned anything, just classy dinner and made her a necklace. It wasn't like there was a surprise party waiting for her. "I'm gonna go check on her. She's been in her room a while."

Dean started down the hall, but paused once he was out of their line of sight. What if she was doing something bad? What if she was relapsing? What if she was ODing.... Dean decided he didn't feel like walking at a normal pace anymore and nearly jogged the ten yards to her room, making sure to keep lightly on his feet so she wouldn't hear him approach. If she was doing something like that he didn't want her to have the chance to hide it so they wouldn't know. Feeling like a snoop and a bit of a creep, he peaked around her door frame.

Dean couldn't keep in the sigh of relief when he saw that Casey was sitting on her bed with her journal. She wasn't writing, just staring blankly at the page before she looked up at him. She gave him a small smile, but her eyes were still a little glazed over and it was obvious she was a little caught up in her head. "You've been in here a while. You alright, kiddo?" He tried to keep his voice from sounding accusatory. He didn't want her to shut down or get defensive.

"Yeah. Just very thoughtful, I guess."

"Thoughtful?"

Casey wasn't sure that she wanted to tell him, but she was also proud of herself and some acknowledgement might help soothe her anxiety over the date. And she knew Dean would be proud of her too. "Do you know what day it is?" Nonchalant seemed like the best way to go about it.

Dean got a strange look on his face. "I do. So does Sam." That surprised Casey, even though it should have been obvious. Odds were that if one of them knew something that the other one did too. It was especially surprising when Dean followed it up with, "So does Cas. He's out there too. We got worried because you were staying in your room so long."

"Cas remembered?" It was a little flattering. Castiel always had so much going on; the fact that he took time out of whatever was going on in heaven or every other crazy thing just to show up and notice her achievement was awesome. It was really, really awesome. It almost made her want to cry, but that would have been one-hundred percent of a chick-flick moment. The last time she'd cried out of happiness was when one of the many times her brothers returned from death. No matter how often it happened, it wasn't something she could ever get used to. Even after all those Tuesdays....

"Yeah. Gave us snark when we said we were surprised, too. Something about being eons old." Dean shook his head dismissively. "Anyways. You coming out? Or do you need more time to... be thoughtful?"

Casey considered for a second. "I mean, I guess I can come out now. It's just that what if I screw up now? Now it's even more of a disappointment because it's been a whole year. I'm supposed to be like this strong, invincible, super sane girl now. But I'm not. I'm still just plain old Casey, but this time my arms are clean. It's a lot of press-"

"Okay, first of all, there's never been such a thing as 'plain old Casey'. There's nothing plain about you. And we don't expect you to be perfect for the rest of your life. Yeah, if you stay clean that'd be freakin' awesome. But you know what else is awesome? The fact that you're fighting in general. We aren't gonna be disappointed in you. Ever. I mean, maybe if you can't name the original members of Jovi, but that's different. You could not be a disappointment though. If you slip up, yeah, that sucks, but it happens. Crap happens, but you're still a badass. A relapse isn't gonna change that."

Casey pursed her lips. "Promise?"

"Promise?"

"Pinky promise?" She held out her small finger. Dean locked it in with his gigantic one and sighed.

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's pinky swear?"

"Doesn't matter; I won't listen anyway."

"Trust me, I know."

Casey stood and walked out of her room past her brother, giving him a triumphant look as she went and walked down the hall. Dean followed and paused when Casey did before she turned the corner. She wasn't sure why she paused entirely, but was she really ready for the acknowledgment of a triumph she wasn't even confident on herself? What was waiting for her in the study. She knew it wasn't a surprise party, Dean only partied during Vegas week and Sam would get plastered and gamble while Casey would explore hotels or binge book shop. Other than that, they never had the time. She wasn't entirely sure they would even know how if they did, and there was no way Castiel would know, so that prospect was safe.

But could she really stand seeing their proud faces and remembering those looks when she relapsed. Dean said they wouldn't be disappointed, but she knew that wasn't true. Wouldn't it be better if she quit while she was ahead? But Dean was behind her. He was protecting her, and she knew that if she went back to her room to "think" some more he would follow. So there wasn't really a choice, was there? Casey closed her eyes and inhaled, then walked into the study where the rest of her family was.

"Hi, guys," she said quietly.

"Hey, Case. We were beginning to wonder if you'd ever come out," Sam said with a smile.

Casey stuck her tongue out at him. "I didn't want to be around you, but Dean insisted I take pity and grace you with my presence." She turned to Dean and gave him a firm look to instruct him to follow along with her. He gave Sam a non-committal nod. Casey walked up to Cas and gave him a hug. He always stiffened slightly at first before relaxing into it and hugging back, but he was getting a lot better and had even initiated a few on his own. "I missed you, Castiel. Where have you been?"

"Heaven." Dean smirked at Cas's reply and looked back at the table where the presents were laid out in various types of covering -Cas had simply put his items back in the plastic shopping bag- and became extremely irritated when he noticed a new item on the table, dripping condensation.

"What is that?" This wasn't fair, and he knew it wasn't Cas who bought that crap. His cheeks began to feel hot. This was his idea and Sammy knew it.

"They're wine coolers, Dean," Sam said, a wide grin spreading across his face. "I thought Case Face might like something to drink on her special day."