The Way Back

Chapter 27

TRIS POV

The rhythm of the train traveling over the tracks is surprisingly pacifying. The click-click sound combined with the faint swaying motion is enough to make me curl up on the metal floor with my head in my knees to attempt to sleep.

Sleep is virtually impossible lately. I toss and turn all night long trying to get comfortable after the nightmares wake me. It usually ends with me staring helplessly into the dark until I literally can't keep my eyes open. If I'm lucky, I won't be haunted by the face of Stacy—my first kill—after that. Then I will awaken in the early afternoon and ignore the suspicious glances I receive from Tobias.

I don't know if he knows about the nightmares, though he must because sometimes my stirring and near panic attacks will rouse him. He must know that I lose sleep because I am a walking zombie for most of the day.

Last night was especially traumatizing. In my dream, I had to watch myself shoot Stacy again, but this time it was with an automatic gun that never seemed to run out of ammo. When I woke up, I had such an urge to gag that I almost choked on air. I didn't sleep much after that.

I should have taken this into account. I am now regretting that I agreed to travel to all of the other factions with Tobias. After being cooped up in Dauntless, I was dying to get some fresh air, but now I can barely keep my eyes open.

"Tris."

My body jolts, my head flying up as I let out a gasp. Rubbing my eyes and realizing that there is no threat, I sigh and rest my chin on my arms, which cover my knees.

"You okay?" Tobias asks with concerned eyes.

"Yeah," I mumble. "Just tired." I add a minuscule smile to sound convincing.

"Come here, then." He wraps an arm around me to pull me into his side. I use his shoulder as a pillow and close my eyes to drift off, grinning genuinely to myself when I feel him kiss the top of my head.

I wouldn't say that I get good sleep on our way to Abnegation, but I do believe that I slumber better than I did the night before. All too soon, he is shaking my shoulder gently and whispering, "Hey. Time to jump."

Leaving the refuge of his shoulder, I sit up with a yawn and take the hand he offers to help me stand. Instead of letting go right after like I normally do to keep a friendly distance, I tighten my grip and stand with him in the open doorway. My leg may feel much better, but I really don't trust myself to jump off a moving train and land on my feet, let alone with the pain that may shoot through my leg.

When the squat, gray buildings slide into view, Tobias says, "Ready?"

I nod.

"One, two, three—"

We throw ourselves out of the train car. For a second I am weightless in midair, until I hit the ground in a way that jars me. I wince but keep my balance with a few running steps. It may not have been my first time, yet this feels like a victory.

"Not bad," he comments. It draws a laugh out of me, and I keep my grip on his hand because at the moment I just don't want to let go.

We walk down a grassy hill to the streets of gravel, where children play and adults help each other with chores. I wore a tank top because it is a warm summer day, but now I'm not sure if it was such a great idea; from what I know about the Abnegation, they frown upon many customs that are normal in Dauntless, and I think showing skin is one of those things that they discourage.

Sure enough, I receive disapproving glances that are immediately wiped away when I stare back. Then they are back to their selfless selves, keeping their eyes on the ground and moving along without prying. Did I really used to live here? These people are strange.