Chapter 5
Today I sat down and allowed myself to cry.
Cry for the pain I have endured, and the pain I'll continue to endure.
I look at my teenage son, and fear that he doesn't think I love him.
He found out he was a product of rape.
That doesn't mean I don't love him.
I chose to keep him.
He is nothing like that monster.
He is my child.
I feel it has changed him some how.
He used to be so happy go lucky.
Now he seems so full of pain.
He fears everything.
I took him out of school because not only were the kids bullying him the teachers were as well.
Now he always wants to be home.
I feel I have failed him as a mother.
I don't want him to feel invisible.
I want my kids to know I'd give my last breathe for them.
I try to show him everyday he means everything to me.
Have I made him feel like he doesn't matter?
Am I the reason for his pain?
Did I destroy my son?
This is why I cry.
This is the demons that haunt my daily.
I don't deserve to be happy.
I don't deserve to be loved.
I messed up.
I ruin people.
Why would anyone want me in thier lives.
I am better off alone.
