Old Bones | Jax Teller

Cuts

A Month Later

Jax doesn't know why he expected that after that night things could get better. He thought the worst of it was that night telling Kennedy and the funeral the few days after for his fallen brother.

He doesn't even know when he hit his drunken downward spiral. He thinks it happened when the Niners ensured they didn't gun down Opie after he assisted Piney on an almost suicide mission. Jax knew if it wasn't the Niners it was the Mayans. However, Clay, for some reason, didn't want to follow that lead in a hurry. He claimed that his head wasn't right and before they made a move he needed to be all there. His anger could make him stupid.

Plus, he had his problems at home as Wendy fucking overdosed at the worst possible time. Jax finally ended what was possibly the biggest mistake of his life, he had Lowen draw up some divorce papers. It didn't help that he was using a bottle of Jack to chase away what almost happened between him and Kennedy on top of the roof of the clubhouse. Being a little bit drunk and grieving could make people do stupid things.

He thinks he was glad he had some self-control. He knew Kennedy was just grieving as they sat up on the crates on the roof. Her head on his shoulder with his arm wrapped around hers. They passed back and forth a bottle of Jack to drown their grief in. He remembers some talking, he said something she thought was funny, and he remembered how her head turned towards him and he knew they both had that look. As his own eyes dropped down from her eyes to her lips, hers had done the same to him. Jax would've been lying to himself if he said that wasn't the first time he thought about kissing her and he thought about more than kissing. But he knew it was just their grief that had them latching onto each other. Instead, he settled for kissing her on the forehead. Later that night, he ignored Wendy's accusations despite how close to the truth they were. That night of all nights he didn't want or need her bullshit. Instead, he found himself buried in a croweater the complete opposite of Kennedy with blonde hair and green eyes.

Since then, Jax had kept some distance between himself and the Winston family. For the most part, it was because he smelled like a brewery. He was too lost in his grief to be there for them as he should be – needed to be. Plus, he knows if he showed up to the house as he was now, Kennedy would probably kick his ass out until he sobered up. He also knows his grief doesn't compare to Donna's, Kennedy's, or the kids'. He hopes Opie wasn't upset about how he was grieving.

He just didn't know how he was supposed to be in this club without him. Since they were five years old they both dreamed of leading the table. Opie was supposed to be his VP. They were both going to follow in their father's footsteps. Now, Jax can't help but feel it's all pointless. He would never utter those words aloud, but to him, it was. He wasn't sure how to navigate it. He hadn't felt this pain – this uncertainty – since his father passed.

Most days, since he wanted to avoid prying eyes – mainly his mother's – at the clubhouse and garage, he finds himself sitting with his back rested against Opie's large black tombstone.

He sits here for hours just lost in his thoughts, sometimes he would move to his father's or Thomas' graves. For the most part, he found comfort at his best friend's grave. It was the closest he was going to be able to get to him.

But Jax knows soon he was going to need to pull himself together. Opie's killer was still out there. He needs to avenge his brother. He needed to bring closure to not only himself but his family.

His thoughts are broken when he sees Piney traveling down the pathway to Opie's grave with his oxygen tank slung across his body. There is a new accessory of what looks like a yellow envelope in his hand.

In all this Jax can say that Piney is handling his grief better than him, but Piney is always neck deep inside a bottle. Plus, Piney has always been closed off as he aged. He became hardened since JT died. Jax has been too drunk – hungover – to even notice if Piney is at the clubhouse since Opie's death. He suspects Piney is staying at his cabin since the Niner's incident and Clay told them they needed to wait on how to handle the retaliation.