Gears (NaNoWriMo 2017) (#1 Below the Machines)

Chapter 5

My whole body felt weak and beaten up as I walked back to my dorms. Maid 27 walked by my side, keeping her distance as if she were afraid to touch nothing. I couldn't think of why, as I had been defeated during my spar with the Lieutenant-General. And he hadn't even broken a sweat.

This fact constantly annoyed me as I shifted forwards, my bones tired from the day's activity. I narrowed it down to the fact that I barely had any rest last night.

Tears tears tears...

Never. I have never felt it before. It was so new, so painful. What was the meaning of tears? Why did I cry?

You're weak.

A sharp breath escaped my lips. Maybe that was why. I was weak. Yes, that was why. I was useless. He was right. I couldn't beat him. The thought created a lump in my throat, and a break in my soul.

Flash — A girl with sweet blue eyes.

I squeezed my eyes shut. No. Not now.

Flash — A girl who watched the bombs fall.

No. No, no no.

Flash — A girl who saw her mother die.

I gritted my teeth, clenching my hands into tight fists. I couldn't. I was weak. I couldn't let these human emotions take over me. I shouldn't remember this. I needed to get stronger.

Flash — A girl who felt the blood in her hands.

Memories were nothing. Emotions were nothing. I was steel, I was stone. I was unbreakable.

Flash — A girl who's world was ripped apart—

NO! I will not let this take over me! I bit my lip, trying to take my mind off it. Trying to distract myself — trying not to break my jaw. The thoughts flew away, spiralling back into control. They faded, and I sighed as I felt that coldness run through my body again. I missed its feeling. I missed the concentration, the pure calmness that washed over me when I felt it. That's right. Your memories are nothing. You are stone, you are steel. You will not break and you will be strong.

"Uh, miss?" The girl beside me asked, her voice soft and muffled by her bowed posture.

I disregarded her. She was nothing. She was just a maid. I had no use for her other than her help in taking care of my necessities. I had no need to speak or order and form of communication with her. She was meant to be ignored. She was meant to be invisible.

"Miss?" Her fingertips brushed my arm in urgency.

"Hm —?" As soon as I lifted my head, I ran right smack into a wall. Or what felt like a wall anyway.

"Hey!"

But of course, I didn't think walls made sounds. Bouncing back, I rubbed my forehead with a crease in between my eyebrows. Frowning, I glanced up, finding myself staring into the face of a man. To others, he may have been considered as handsome. With that light gold hair and warm honey eyes, somewhere within the very depths of my history screamed at me for that sculpted face and figure. But all that would have been said before it was ruined by the hideous scar that ran from the left side of his forehead, across his face and ending at the bottom of his right cheek.

"Oh." Was all I could say, my throat not allowing anything else.

"Speak up." He said, eyeing me from head to toe. At that moment, I was more relieved than anything that I had this suit on. It hid most of my eccentricities, even though I should have been convinced by that point that there was nothing to be ashamed of.