Cracking Up!

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

HOMECOMING

 

 

My God! I don’t know how Julie does it: dropping the kids off, going to the gym, tending to all her clients, picking the kids up and then getting dinner for all us. This is absolute insanity and now she’s finally coming home. Dr. Anderson pulled his head out of his ass, after he and I had a hard man-to-man discussion, and released her from the hospital; three weeks after the accident. She was ready to leave after the first week, but he convinced her she wasn’t ready. I hated it when she listened to other people. I felt they always took advantage of her and her pleasing personality. We had a few heated discussions about her release. No matter what I said or how hard I tried to convince her, the only reason they wanted her to stay is so they could continue to line their pockets with our hard earned cash. She would turn away, asking me to be quiet. If not for them, she would have perished in the wreck. Granted, that was probably true, but they didn’t need to keep her for three fucking weeks. Ridiculous!

While she was laid up, I was looking forward to playing video games and hanging out with the kids, well not them so much as playing the newest “Call of Duty” game. Man, that looks so cool. But it isn’t going to happen. Both sets of grandparents descended on our house to help out. Yeah right. The only thing they were helping out with was giving me shit for playing games and not being a good husband or provider. They would show up at the crack of dawn and help get the kids off to school and instead of going back to their hotel rooms, they decided I needed help. The only fucking help I needed was for them to go home. Julie and I would deal with the current hand we’d been dealt. I did my best to piss ‘em all off. Seemed the more I tried the more stubborn they became. Well, shit.

Once they’d rounded up the kids and dropped them off, they’d come back and start cooking their own breakfast. Did they ask what I wanted? Hell, no. They just moved in and did whatever the fuck they wanted to do. I know I yelled out a couple of times to no one particular, “Who the hell is paying the bills around here?” They ignored my comments and continued to stuff their faces with my food. Bastards. And once they were finished, my parents would sit down in the living room and watch TV while hers would go to the hospital. They worked out a system leaving me in the dark. When her folks came back, mine would go. The only thing they left me was a sink full of dirty dishes. Man, that really pissed me off. Did I look like some goddamn dish hand? I was an NFL prospect. I was a top Project Manager. I’m not some fucking housemaid.Instead of hanging around and cleaning house, I’d leave, get a paper, a pack of cigarettes and spend my hours at the local Waffle House. I made sure to show up just as the kids came home from school. When they asked me why I didn’t pick them up, I lied about looking for a job. Well, it was kind of a lie. I did spend about three minutes looking at the classifieds. That counts doesn’t it? They’d smile and believe my charade. Kids are so forgiving. Why can’t adults be the same?

I couldn’t wait for Julie to come home. The sooner she was here, the quicker the squatters would leave and we could get our lives back on track.

“Honey,” called my mom. “Are you going with us to pick her up today?”

“Excuse me?”

“Are you going to go with us all and welcome Julie back home?”

“No. I’m going by myself. Why don’t you four clean up your mess and do something useful like decorate the house with a banner and some balloons? Yeah, that’s what you all need to do. Clean up your mess and decorate the house.”

Her mom, Thelma, didn’t see it the same way.

“Let me tell you something, you no good excuse for a man. I’m going to pick-up my daughter and that’s all there is to it!” I’d held my tongue and tried to be nice to her overbearing mom, but no more. No, sir. The last time I squared off with her was on our wedding day. One of the family friends wanted to know how I was going to deal with her. I said in no uncertain terms, “I don’t care if she likes me or not. I’m not marrying her. I’m marrying her daughter and if she doesn’t like it, well, no one says she has to visit.” I didn’t realize Thelma was standing behind me and I really didn’t give a shit. I mean seriously, she was instrumental in bringing that dick head with her to try and talk Julie out of marrying me. What a bitch.