zayn malik imagines

self harm

http://prettysmilesforstyles.tumblr.com

You were sitting on the bedroom floor and you felt empty. That was a perfect description of how you felt: empty. You didn't feel anything anymore lately. You didn't feel happiness, you didn't feel love, you didn't feel pain, you just felt empty inside. And it was not something that just happened one day. It crept into your life, so subtle, so silent, so gentle, you didn't even notice it. You rolled up your sleeve and looked at the fresh scars on your skin. Scars from the blades of your scissors. Scars from this emptiness you couldn't describe. It was your way to feel something, even though it didn't hurt as much as breathing. And you hated yourself for thinking like that. You hated yourself for hating your life. Because you knew how many people would kill to have your life. To be the girlfriend of Zayn Malik. But being his girlfriend didn't have anything to do with this. You loved him more than anything. But this was something even he didn't know about. He was also not the reason for your behavior. This was all on you...feeling so tired and fed up with everything. You often wished you were just still a kid. You missed being carefree. You missed acting like a kid. You missed being able to make mistakes without it being the end of the world. This growing up thing made you afraid. Because you literally hated it. Everything changes and you feel like every little security you had in life, was slipping away and that made you feel so unsure about everything.

'Babe?' Zayns voice woke you up out of your thoughts and you literally shot up, putting your sleeve down. Your heart started racing when he wasn't looking at you, but at your sleeve. You felt your wounds sting. 'What was that?' He pointed towards your arm. No... no no no... no... You were not ready for telling him. You were not ready for him to leave you because of it. You wouldn't survive. You literally wouldn't survive.

He met your eyes, looking worried and confused. And you hated yourself for being so reckless. Why didn't you hear him come home? You took a step back when he moved towards you. He stopped immediately in his tracks, shocked you actually backed away from him. 'I'm not even going to ask if you're okay. You're obviously not okay...' He stated, eyes never leaving you, processing every little emotion that was displayed on your face. He probably saw nothing, you thought. 'Y/N... I love you... Can I come closer?' He asked carefully. And it was so weird of him to ask. Because you were his girlfriend and he had the right to come close. But somehow you liked it. You liked the fact that he asked you. Because otherwise you would just not be prepared. You nodded softly and he moved towards you. He touched you by cupping your face so gentle and sweet and he kissed your lips in the exact same way. And when his lips parted from yours he didn't leave your eyes. 'Can I look at it?' His voice was almost like a whisper. So soft and aware of what your reaction might be. And you were totally surprised when you actually felt yourself nodding again. He took your arm carefully and rolled up your sleeve. Your eyes stayed focused on his, wanting to see his reaction, waiting for him to leave. And when his eyes did meet the scars, all you saw was pain. And it hit you so hard. It hit you harder than a blade ever had scarred your arm. It caused more pain than you had ever felt. And you didn't even realize the tears streaming down your face silently. He moved his fingers over your scares, hardly touching them before he looked up at your crying face. And when you were waiting there, waiting for him to leave, he did the most unpredictable thing he had ever done. 'I love you so... so... so much baby girl. Please never leave me.' He voice sounded so sad and heartbroken, what only caused you to cry harder. And you felt it. You felt all of it. You felt the hurt, the pain and the love he was giving you all at the same time. You didn't feel empty anymore. He took you into his arms and held you for what seemed hours. And you weren't able to stand alone but he was there. He was there to help you up. He was there to make sure you wouldn't fall again. Because that's what happened. You fell. And you needed to get up again. But you couldn't do it alone. Never in a million years, you were going to be able to do it alone. And before this you gave up on yourself. Every time you put that blade to your skin, you gave up on yourself. But he wasn't going to give up on you.

He pulled you softly out of his arms and made you sit on the bed. He kneeled in front of you, wiping your tears away. 'I don't know why you do it... And I hope someday you'll tell me. But for now, I need you to know that I'm going to be here. Every step of the way. You are going to hate me for it. You are going to despise me for it. But I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. Ever.' His voice was not sad anymore. His voice sounded serious and somewhat determined. 'Even if you shout or yell or scream for me to leave. I'm not going until I know you are okay.' And it made you afraid of what was coming. But also so safe, because he was here and he would stay here and you believed every single word. 

http://prettysmilesforstyles.tumblr.com

check her tumblr out, theres so many good writing pieces. xx