All through the year | lgbt+ ✔️

oops, i dropped my feelings in the ocean. [3]

"Evenings in the fall were of utmost beauty, but there was something special about this evening where the cold snow, s e e m e d
t o
n u m b
m y
s o u l." // mid winter

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I saw the light brown strands being caressed by the wind.

I slowly walked up to her.

Lies.

I took one step. One.

I was frozen in my tracks and no, it wasn't the insanely cold winter breeze. I had on too many layers for that. I'm not surprised to say that the chill that ran up my spine was way more agonizing than the literal cold that numbed my hands.

No, it wasn't a heartbreaking scene of her kissing another person. She was just standing there, but my feet wouldn't move.

I practiced talking to her last night about 3 times in front of the mirror before I couldn't bear to look at myself anymore and went to bed.

Eyes more open than I'd have liked them to be.

3 seconds have passed till I took one step. She was still standing there, watching her friend leave.

Now's my chance.

I took a deep breath, big mistake. The cold was forgotten for a while.

I took another step.

As my feet hit the ground I turned on my heel and walked away. I couldn't.
I could feel my auditory senses numb as I was engulfed in water. Pulled in by the waves.

Drowning but breathing.

Each step I took reminded me of my cowardice and it was a different kind of suffering. Being able to breathe.

But, having distorted vision. The feeling of cold water filling my lungs, my body light and motionless yet somehow moving, sounds drowning in the sea of my insecurities.

What was I thinking?

I shouldn't be talking to anyone, much less a desiring a potential love interest?

Love isn't for me.

-

I slowly walked up the stairs to my apartment building. I walked in tossing my bag somewhere and not caring where it went.
Returning to my bedroom, the quiet engulfed me in its enchanting lullaby and my bed embraced me as I slowly, closed my eyes in hopes of sleep visiting me.

I took off my watch that read 7:37PM.

I opened them in order to place my watch somewhere.

Sleep was always ill mannered. I wouldn't know why I'd expected it to change today.

Maybe it's because my heart cracked a bit for the fact of my incompetence.

I swear I saw those familiar light brown eyes right before I closed mine.

I Swear, I felt at home like never before.

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A/N : thanks for reading!! Leave a comment - tragic.