when you're ready | shawnmendes

fifty-six

june 2018
📍 los angeles, california
kelsey's pov
+++

"Hey guys, um-" I pause, laughing as I wipe my eyes. "I feel kinda stupid for doing this but I want the questions to stop."

Sighing, I pull my hair into a lazy bun. "So Shawn and I broke up, and it sucks."

"You guys wanted an explanation, and I felt like I should at least try to be honest and real with you all... This video is going to be messy and like I have no idea what I'm saying because I don't, I didn't even write one of those papers like every story time YouTuber ." I laugh, shrugging.

"It wasn't necessarily mutual, it just happened. There's no real reason for it other than we both wanted different things from the relationship and they were things that couldn't have been given right now? I don't know."

I guess that's the truth. I don't know what Shawn wanted, but I wanted him to still be here and he wasn't. It was his choice to break up with me because he didn't want a long distance relationship? Well, he's a pop star, get used to it.

"I mean, it was really hard at the beginning you know? It's been two weeks, so that's enough time feeling sorry for myself and having breakdown's like I did ten minutes ago." I wipe my runny nose with my sleeve, rolling my eyes.

"Everything does happen for a reason, and it brought my friend's and I close again... I guess that's the reason, who knows?"

"So like, breakups suck. It really fucking sucks, because I couldn't get out of bed for a few days. Some days you're fine and some days you aren't..."

"Shawn was my first love and I was with him for almost a year which doesn't... What would you expect? That I'd- shit, someone's at the door."

I get up, pulling down the sweatshirt I was wearing to cover my butt as I walked into the living room.

I wiped my eyes and nose as quick as possible, hoping to cover up the fact that I was crying.

"Hey! Jess isn't-" I answer the door, assuming it was Ellie, but it wasn't.

"Oh- hey." I murmur as I move to the side so Shawn can come in. I cast my eyes downward and pretend I don't notice the flowers in his hand or his red eyes.

Either he was smoking or he was crying. Shawn wouldn't smoke with everyone last time we went to a party together. We left and got drunk together, had our own party.

"Hey." He says quietly, offering me the flowers as I throw him a playful glare.

"You know roses weren't my favorite until I heard your song. It's your fault." I joke as I take them.

"Hold on." I tell Shawn as he follows me into my room and sits on my bed while I turn my camera off.

Putting it away took extra work than usual, I was freaking out. My hands were shaking and I felt the awkward silence and the tension was making me squirm when I sit next to him.

"Um-" I say quietly, trying to figure out why he came here. The urge to lay my head on his shoulder out of habit made me blush slightly.

"I miss you."

I shrugged, looking at him, "You've said that."

"Please, just listen-"

I roll my eyes, "No! I don't want to listen, not after you've changed your mind every time you talk to me."

"Look, I figured it out. You can come on tour with me, and so can Jess even, I talked to Andrew and the other tour managers. Please, I want to be with you."

He reaches for my hand and I hesitantly take his. It's weird, cause that's all I've wanted the past two weeks.

"What happens when you wake up tomorrow and want to break up again?" I ask.

"That's not going to happen." Shawn tries to reason.

"How do you know that? You don't!" I try to stand up, but he pulls me back down next to him.

"Stop being stubborn for five minutes so we can ha-"

"I'm home!" The front door opens, and we hear Jess' voice as we both freeze. "Kelsey I- oh, you guys getting back together?" She smirks as she walks into my room.

"Yes." Shawn nods, the same time I shake my head.

I turn to look at him, "We're not."

Jess leaves immediately, sensing the still obvious tension.

"Yes, we are you're just being a brat."

He smiles at me, and I jokingly push him away, "You're stupid."

"So can I kiss you now?"

I shake my head, leaving my room, "I'm hungry, bye."

He follows after me like a lost puppy, "Let's go on a date, put some pants on and let's go."

I blush, pretending to glare at him. "Sorry, I'm taken."

"By who? Taco Bell?" He jokes, pulling me close to him. "Come on, get dressed."

"Can we just Post-mates Taco Bell?"

His shoulders sag in disappointment, but nods anyways. "Yeah, I'll get it."

I go to my closet, "I'm just playing, let me get dressed."

He cheers, "Yes! I have a phone call to make, wear a dress, baby."

+++

A/N: how sweet