Blank Canvas

01

Chapter 1 | Pain Changes People

"I wanted to describe how I felt but somehow the paper stayed empty and I could not have described it any better."
-wtm

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I would describe myself as a rather clever person. I know who is the right person to mix around with and I know who to avoid. If the situation pursuits, I know how to act and feign innocence. There is a reason why I prefer to stay quiet in school, unlike those annoying jocks who stir trouble every few seconds. The reason being it is much easier to survive that way. You don't get disturbed -well not much anyways- and you can focus on your studies better.

Some people would, however, describe me as an emotional, sad and depressed freak. While it is true that I most often wear a neutral face and keep to myself, I am not depressed, at least not anymore. If we count the numbers, it has been 3 years since I last cut and it is hard to imagine ever doing it again.

With that thought in mind, I smiled to myself and put on a sleeveless crop top paired with jeans and black sneakers. I was not one to dress up a lot but if I felt particularly good, I would put more effort into my outfit. I also didn't like to stand out too much, so that means my outfits are usually very basic.

I headed over to the car where my mum was already waiting for me. Every time I stepped in, I could feel the guilt slowly creeping in on me. I felt like a useless piece of trash for not having enough courage to take public transport. I wanted to try so as to take away the burden of having to trouble my mum and to be more independent myself, but I can already feel the judgment coming from the stares of other commuters just by the thought alone of doing so.

While I snuggled in closer to the comfort of the car seat, I tried to erase my thoughts and acted like everything was okay.

"Hey, Kira, ready for school? It's your first day today, don't be nervous, you'll be alright, I promise." my mum asks as she tries to comfort me seeing as I'm already a nervous wreck.

"Yeah mum, I'm fine...just need to get used to it is all," I replied with a heavy sigh.

"Sweetheart, don't worry, I know you'll be great." my dad adds on.

The car ride was silent as my dad drove till we said goodbyes to each other. I sure hope my mum was right with her promise. Although unfortunately, most promises are meant to be broken.

My eyes glanced over at the sea of people as my ears get drowned by voices coming from all sides. People were already shouting across the hallways and reuniting with their old friends while the freshman looked confused as ever. I actually think I blended in better with the freshmen as compared to being a senior in high school.

Scanning through the crowd, I finally found my target, Reine. She is my best friend and has been with me since freshman year. Needless to say, we are very close and know each other maybe a little too well. I skipped forward and made my way towards her, sending her a small smile as we waved.

"Kira! Come here! I just got my class schedule, let's see if we have any lessons together." Reine says excitedly.

I chuckled at her enthusiasm as I replied, "Well, we have lunch, English and Science together. So 3 periods in total. I won't miss you that much."

"Hey, don't say that," Reine remarked at my last sentence as she playfully hits me.

"2 classes together is good though and during lunch, we could catch up as I don't think talking in class too much would do us any good." Reine comments.

I pouted, knowing that 2 classes together was actually very little. Especially since on some of the days, we will not have any classes together except for lunch that happens daily.

"Bye! See you around!"Reine says as she squeezed me in a tight hug before rushing off as the bell rang.

I really love hugs and would gladly receive any you gave me. It feels comforting having the affection from physical contact and leaves me to know that they care.

I let out a deep breath after she left and allowed my smile to fade away. Reine knew of my past and has made sure I never slipped away from her eyesight since then. Metaphorically speaking of course. She could not possibly do that with all the responsibilities she has to attend to.
What she does, however, for example, is to ask me a simple, "how are you feeling?" to ensure I was not slipping back into depression and I appreciate it a whole lot.

Looking at my schedule, I realised that I still had 5 minutes before my first lesson, higher art. Very few people actually take this class because they think art is difficult or boring. A little contrasting if you ask me. They think that we just doodle or paint all day which is...kind of true to a certain extent. OK. Personally, I do not mind it since art is literally my hobby.

As I headed towards class, I passed by the jocks in my school. I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disgust. They were annoying attention seekers and I would never want to associate myself with any of them.

Little did I know...

Taking a step into class, I glanced at the teacher with a slight bow seeing as the class has not started yet, hoping to be polite and respectful.

Got to make a good first impression.

I then proceeded to look for a seat to claim as mine for the rest of the year, opting for the one near the end. It was the safest option for me because hardly anyone notices what you do at the back and the teacher rarely calls on you.

As I settled down in my seat, a sudden rouse of noise came by and I hear murmurs coming from the other students. Trying to figure out what caused the disturbance, I looked up to find the one and only Shai. An annoying jock and leader of his clique. Of all the other seats he could have chosen, he chooses the one beside me. Oh, fantastic.