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02

Chapter 2 | Anxiety Kicks In

"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."

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"Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Shai. Pretty sure you would have heard of me by now. Though, I haven't really seen you around school, what's your name?" the jock, Shai asks as he settles down beside me.

The seating arrangement in this class happens to be in pairs so I'm stuck with Shai as my partner for the rest of the year.

"Kira." is all that my brain could think of to reply with, trying to keep it simple but now I'm doubting myself and thinking my response was stupid.

Subconsciously, I started fiddling with my thumb and and glanced over slightly to find Shai staring intently at me. My face flushed beet red and I spun back around quickly, clearing my throat.

Shai smirked at my previous reaction. "Nice name, Kira. So...what made you choose art class?"

My body visibly stiffened and I mumbled out, "J-just...thought it would be cool to try since it is my hobby."

That was only partially the truth but I could only pray and hope Shai does not question it further.

"Seriously, art of all hobbies..." I heard him whisper under his breath but choose to ignore it. After a short pause, he speaks again.

"Are you scared of me?"

"N-No."I replied, voice not sounding convincing in the least bit.

"Then why are you stuttering your words?"he preys.

"I-I don't k-know okay? Stop asking me stupid questions!" I almost yelled.

Shai looked taken aback at my sudden outburst and silence surrounded us till the teacher finally decides to start class.

All through lesson, Shai looked like he was deep in thought, not about the lesson however, because he was gazing into space. My anxiety was already acting up before hand but now it is kicking in worse.

You screwed up so bad...
You screwed up so bad...
What even was that for?
He must think I'm weird.
Maybe I am weird.
How am I going to survive this school year?

My thoughts were interrupted when the teacher called on me and Shai who didn't seem like he was paying attention nudged me.

I could feel the heat rising to my face and it must have been as red as a tomato. My hands began to feel clammy against my bouncing knee and beads of cold sweat started breaking out on my forehead. My heart pounded so loud, I was scared others around me could hear it as it threatened to burst out my rib cage.

Deep breaths Kira, deep breaths.

"Sorry for not paying attention in class sir." I shakily replied, voice soft.

"It's quite alright but do focus from now onwards." said Mr. Wilson as he gave me a stern look, furrowing his brows.

Luckily, class was about to dismiss soon and Shai remained quiet. The silence I usually enjoyed was suffocating. My brain raced with irrational thoughts and fear as I wondered why I cared so much about how others viewed me. Beating myself up was the only thing I was good at.

Like what my parents said last time...its all true. I'm a failure.

As soon as class ended, I bolted out to the nearest restroom, opting for the handicap single toilet instead of the usual cubicles.

My breathing was uneven as I struggled to think straight. Everything was now just a blurry mess and before I knew it, hot tears came streaming down my face and my hands flew up to grab at my hair, pulling it harshly in frustration.

Suddenly, I heard knocking on the door. Although loud, the thumping of my head throbbing was able to block out the sound and made it seem more muted than it really was.

I tried to gather my thoughts and emotions as I wiped furiously at my eyes trying to rid all evidence of crying and I muffled out a soft, "Yes?" not knowing who stood outside.

The mysterious person did not reply but I all I saw was a very messily written note being slipped through the ventilation gaps.

On it wrote:

I hope you feel better, Shai was being a jerk back there. Don't bother with him and just ignore whatever he says if he makes you uncomfortable. You should focus more in class, otherwise the teacher would see you as one of those problematic students. Shai is merely toying with you, distracting you for fun, to get under your skin, don't let him get to you Kira.

~Smiley :)

Well...this is creepy. Who would write such a note to me? Signed...'Smiley'? It could not be Reine because we're not in the same class so, who could it be? Definitely not Shai either from what was written, telling me to stay away from him.

By now my hysterical cries had subdued down to small sniffles here and there but my brain still racked to find answers to this mysterious author behind the note.

Trying my luck, I found my voice and asked, "Hello? Anybody still there? Who passed me the note?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Perhaps the person already left or was rude enough not to answer. I got zero response but a note from a person I knew nothing of apart from the fact that he or she came from my art class. Because how else would they know what happened right?

I trudged through the hallway after that as I went along the motions of going to classes that I never payed attention to, already ignoring the advice given to me on that mysterious note. All I could think of now was Shai and what intentions the person behind the note had.

Time seemed to pass by extremely slow and as the minutes went by, I got more and more desperate to let out the impending words that were about to spill out my lips.

The moment lunch started was when I poured out all of my heartfelt emotions to Reine. Telling her about everything as she lent a listening ear.

There was one phrase among the entire conversation. Well...mostly me talking but, it stuck with me throughout rest of the entire day

"Don't think too much about it Kira, you're only stressing yourself. This would probably just be a one off thing."

Except...it was not a one off thing.