Forgot to Remember

Friday / Saturday

Friday / Saturday

"So you remember that TV show. Did you make friends with any of the other actors? Apart from your girlfriend Nicola?" Tanja asked, excited that Ant had now most parts of the first 5 years he'd lost back.
"There was a small boy, Declan. He played my best friend in the series, called Duncan. After a few weeks he became my best friend in real life as well. We were constantly together then. I wonder what's happened to him. Do we still talk to each other? Are we still friends?"
"Don't worry Anthony. If he was that important to you in your teenage years it'll come back to you soon. After all you've now got most memories of 5 years back. That's a lot for two days."
"It's just that it seems like nobody cares if I live or die."
"Oh sweetie please don't say that. You have us now. And we care." Tanja said vehemently as she got up and came round the table to embrace him.
"Why hasn't anybody reported me as missing? Don't I have any friends? Doesn't my family miss me?"
"I really can't answer that question Anthony. There are just too many maybes. Maybe you were on vacation, maybe you were out of town for work, maybe you moved out of London. All you can do is have patience and wait for your memories to return fully, then everything will have cleared up in it's own."
Ant nodded in complete resignation. He looked at Tanja's kind face and asked, "Can I stay here a few days more? At least until my arm heals and my memories clear up?"
"Of course. You are welcome to stay with us as long as you want."
"Thank you." Ant said in relief and hugged her with his injured arm.

In the evening, Ant was watching the news with Adrian and they talked about trust and how jealousy can destroy a relationship. Adrian told him how important it was to trust people and really listen to what they have to say instead of taking everything at face value and drawing your own stupid conclusions.
"So what does your gut tell you about me. Am I trust worthy?" Ant suddenly wondered out loud
"Yes, I think you're trust worthy. And the fact that you have an injured arm is insurance that should you try some shit I can easily kick your ass." They both laughed, sharing in the easy companionship they had developed.
*Trust is definitely the most important thing in any relationship,* Ant thought as he headed to the bedroom. But he also got a gnawing feeling inside that Adrian's advice applied to a lot in his life. As he dozed he saw the man with the sparkling blue eyes accuse him angrily "You're just jealous of Stephen," to which he answered just as forcefully "No, I'm not. That's just rubbish."
He jolted awake and saw Tanja standing at the bed room door calling him for dinner. As he slowly sat up he couldn't help but feel frustrated. Could that man be Declan? But why was he haunting him in his dreams?

Ant woke up sobbing and tangled up in the sheets. Many pieces of the puzzle that was his memory had suddenly clicked into place. The barrage of information had overloaded his brain but also made his heart ache with loneliness.. The first memory that hit him was that him and Declan went on to become pop stars after their career on Byker Grove ended. He remembered their first gigs in under 18 discos and guys spitting at them. He remembered that after they finished with their pop career they didn't really know what to do.
The shattered pieces of his memory were joining back together refilling his head with memories and experiences. Then he finally found out who cat was and what that ad on the wall was for. He remembered the start of Sm:TV and how much fun it was. He remembered finding a girlfriend. Lisa, she had been there for him through all of it.
Ant soundlessly crept to the living room and brought the phone back with himself to the bedroom. He dialled Lisa's number and waited - patiently and full of hope until a recorded voice informed him curtly "The number you're trying to reach is no longer in service."

As he was about to fling the phone away two more numbers popped up in his brain one was a fixed line number which he hazily remembered was Ali's contact number, even though he didn't really know who she was exactly, and the other was Sarha's mobile phone number. He hurriedly punched his sister's number in, but unfortunately he crashed into disappointment once the same recorded voice again curtly informed him,"The number you're trying to reach is no longer in service."
So everyone had abandoned him. He was truly all alone. Nobody cared. If he died right now his body would lie unclaimed in a morgue before been shipped off to some medical school for the student to cut up into tiny bits during their practical lectures of medicine. Just another John Doe no one cared about. He cried himself back to sleep as he cursed the world in general and his very existence in particular.

On Saturday morning An's sleep was again disturbed by the bright sunshine, causing him to burry his head under the pillow. He didn't want to wake up. He didn't want to spend another day searching for clues to a life which was probably aimless and most definitely friendless. Tanja's soft singing pierced the thick dark clouds of his heartbroken thoughts. But it wasn't her voice that had attracted his attention it was the song . He had heard that song many times before, but the singer hadn't been a woman.

Is it okay if I call you mine?
Just for a time
And I will be just fine
If I know that you know that I'm
Wanting, needing your love
Oh

If I ask of you is it all right
If I ask you to hold me tight
Through a cold, dark night
'Cause there may be a cloudy day in sight
And I need to let you know that I might
Be needing your love
Oh

And what I'm trying to say isn't really new
It's just the things that happen to me
When I'm reminded of you

Like when I hear your name,
Or see a place that you've been
Or see a picture of your grin,
Or pass a house that you've been in
At one time or another.

It sets off something in me I can't explain.
And I can't wait to see you again.
Oh, babe, I love your love
Oh
And what I'm trying to say isn't really new
It's just the things that happen to me
When I'm reminded of you

He could recall a soft male voice singing these words to him as he lay in a hospital bed. He was sure that it wasn't his father's voice because the voice that played in his head was softer and was very soothing. Frustration overwhelmed him when nothing else other than the softly singing voice came to him. Dragging himself out of bed he went into the bathroom. As he picked up his toothbrush he stared at his reflection in the mirror and wondered what had happened in his life the other five years he still couldn't remember. He had been able to gauge from the memories that had come back to him that firstly he definitely belonged in London. Secondly that he had a girlfriend or at least he used to have a girlfriend. Lisa, who was then a singer as well. They had most probably broken up he rationalised because his track record with women had always been horribly dismal. None of his relationships had ever crossed the two year mark as he always got restless after one and a half years and would be looking for a way out.
So if he got together with her in November of 1998 they had most probably not made it beyond the end of 2000. As he stood lazily brushing his teeth he wondered in despair,
* Will I EVER find anyone who'll be my one true love? Someone in whose arms I'll find my home and the promise of forever.*

As he took a shower his despair slightly evaporated and he started thinking logically. His mind went back to the conversation he had with Tanja the previous day. There definitely were a lot of maybes in his case. She had definitely hit the nail on the head when she had logically told him that most probably no one missed him because maybe he had actually been on his way out of London on vacation or business. But they were all conjectures, the truth could be anything. As he dried himself he calmly decided to take it easy and let his brain heal itself at it's own pace. He helped Tanja in the kitchen as well as he possibly could with his one uninjured hand and let slip that he remembered quiet a lot of what he had been up to since his acting job on Byker Grove.. He told her about Declan and what a great friend he was. He told her about how he broke up with Nicola and then found Lisa, who was sweet and caring.
Tanja was overjoyed for him. He was healing very well and at a quick pace.
"But there is still a 5 year blank in my head." Ant said sadly.
"You have got back 13 years in a matter of 4 days, maybe by this time tomorrow morning you'll have the last 5 back in there as well" Tanja told him giving him a encouraging smile and gently tapping his temple with her fore finger.
"I hope you're right."
"I always am. You can ask Adrian, my words have never proved wrong. I have a gut feeling that tomorrow at this time you'll be home all snuggly and comfortable in your own bed."
"Snuggly!" Ant repeated giving an incredulous laugh.
"Yup! All snuggly cuddled up with your favourite teddy bear under your soft blankie." She said and pinched his cheek making him giggle in embarrassment.
"Tanja I'm 25... No, 30 and not a toddler so it's a bit impossible that as a grown man I'd sleep cuddled up with a teddy bear under a 'blankie'."
"It's quiet possible. You don't remember the past five years do you."
"Please I'm definitely not a cuddler." Ant quickly contradicted her statement.
"Have you ever seen yourself sleep? I'm sure you haven't. The way you hug your pillow it's obvious you are definitely a cuddler." The older woman teased him relentlessly. Ant gave up, it was obvious that this was an argument that he would never win.