Forgot to Remember

Saturday Evening

Saturday Evening

Ant got off at high street. He knew there was a bus stop just where he and Dec lived but he needed time to think about what he was going to say to Declan when he saw him. He needed to prepare a script and then explicitly stick to it. The thin was, how do you tell someone you love, that you don't love them anymore? How could he let go of Dec without ripping his own heart out? He figured he just had to be strong.

As he walked on his eyes scanned his surroundings and that's when he suddenly saw the man that was constantly invading his thoughts. His first instinct was to just cross the street and confront Dec right there on the pavement but he quickly changed his mind. He needed to decide what exactly he would tell Declan. So Ant satisfied himself with just following the shorter man, while he formed his break up speech inside his head. He followed Dec but kept a safe distance from him. As they walked Ant carefully memorised Dec's image as his love obliviously walked on ahead of him.

Dec's fluffy hair shone in the light cast by the street lamps. His coat was closed firmly around him. He wore a scarf, most probably to protect his neck from the cold chilly wind that had started to blow as evening slowly turned to night. His dark jeans hugged his shapely legs. Ant's eyes caressed Dec's whole form and he realised with heart crushing regret that Declan was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Stephen definitely was a lucky man.

Declan suddenly stopped in his tracks. He stared into a shop window. Ant slowly crept closer and saw that his ex-boyfriend had stopped in front of a jewellery store and was admiring the rings on display. As he watched, Dec stared down at his own hand and spread out his fingers. Dec then closed his hand, making a fist and simultaneously closed his eyes as if in prayer. Ant saw Dec's chest expand as he took in a deep breath. It looked like he was drawing up courage to do something drastic. As Ant fixedly watched him, Dec opened his eyes, reaching for the door handle he pushed the door open and entered the store. Anthony stealthily peeked into the store and watched Dec try on rings. So he was planning to pop the question and that after only 3 months of 'being' with Stephen! Stephen had to be something really special otherwise Dec would have never planned to take such a huge step. They'd been together for two years after years of being best friends and Declan hadn't ever mentioned the 'M' word seriously. It had always been in mirth.

Anthony's heart shattered once again. He was even more surprised when he saw Dec pay with his credit card which he hardly ever used. When had his Decky changed so much? No, he wasn't his Decky anymore; so it was obvious that there would be some changes. After slipping his precious purchase into his coat pocket Dec turned to exit the shop and almost saw Ant. He just didn't see him because Ant quickly ducked into the neighbouring shop. Ant knew he was behaving like a voyeur and a stalker but he just couldn't stop himself from following Dec. As he continued following Declan they walked across a bridge.

As they walked on Ant noticed that a part of the bridge had been cordoned off with reflective tape and one part of the bridge's railing was missing . That's exactly where he had been standing that bleak Monday morning after he had left his love and life behind. But he also remembered that after he had reached the bridge all plans of committing suicide had evaporated from his brain. Instead he had been thinking of going back to the house. He had been planning to fight for Dec and his plan had been almost complete when he had suddenly met someone. Someone who had first tried to sway his resolve and when that hadn't worked that person had simply pushed him off the bridge so that he plunged to his death.