The Salvation Of Her

Love is love

Tessa

The very second the words slipped from my mouth, I wanted to take them back. It felt as if I had opened pandora's box and once I had, there was no closing it. Now that I'd said the truth weighing on my heart, it was real. I was coming out and it terrified me.

My eyes closed, tightly as I avoided the reality of the moment I would have to face when I opened them. The only thing I felt in those long, silent minutes that followed were the sting of tears behind my eyes and the steady, fierce hold my mom kept on my trembling hands.

"Oh, Tessie. Look at me."

I shook my head, just enough for her to see my denial because I wasn't ready to face her just yet. Because if she...

Why hadn't I just kept quiet?

"Tessa Marie Sullivan, look at me."

My eyes snapped open at her use of my given name and I finally looked up into her bright, knowing eyes.

Please don't hate me, Mom.

The thought was met by sudden anxiety that sat atop my chest and slowly crawled up my throat, until I felt as if I couldn't breathe.

"You're my daughter, you hear me? And I love you, Tessie. Gay, straight- I love you." Her words were spoken through the emotion I saw overshadowing the blue color in her eyes and I didn't understand them, at first. They didn't penetrate. It didn't make sense, that she could just accept it like she did.

Her arms surrounded me, then and the soft, comforting scent of her lightly scented perfume wafted over me, causing the press of moisture beneath my eyes to slip past my lashes and finally fall down my cheeks. Feeling a warm hand rubbing my back, I let myself believe the words that were whispered into my ear as my chest heaves and my cheeks sting with the tears continuing to fall.

"You're so strong, honey. My sweet, strong daughter. I know you hid this from me, thinking that I wouldn't accept it. But I do. I do and I love you, more than you'll ever know."

"Mom." I'd barely gotten the word out before I lost it, letting the relief and hesitant joy overwhelm me with her always supportive arms grounding me.

"Shh, Tessie. I love you. I love you."

"I... I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Mom."

As I drew back from her embrace, I kissed her cheek, my chest so much lighter now that she knew.

She knew and she accepted me.

"Love is love. As long as your happy, that's all I could ever ask for."

Nodding, I didn't think I'd ever felt so free as I did right then.

"Jim?"

At my moms startled voice, my eyes were pulled to the doorway of the kitchen and the blood drained from my face when I saw the cold, steely look in my fathers eyes and I knew he'd heard everything.

"Daddy?"

"Go to the living room, Tessa."

His voice boomed through the quiet of the room, leaving no room for argument. Worry filled me as I nodded, kissed my moms cheek once more and left the room, leaving the joy I'd felt moments before behind me. The sound of my parents arguing followed me, my moms soft, chiding voice mixed with his angered one and I knew he wasn't happy with either of us. My dad was honest to his core and had never taken kindly to secrets in our family.

And now he knew I'd been hiding one from him for years.

What if he couldn't accept that?