The Salvation Of Her

Still Me

I wasn't sure how long I sat there before the familiar sound of my brothers Harley pulled me from my thoughts.

Turning my head toward the sound, I smiled as I watched him park his bike beside my moms Lexus and dismount, taking the helmet off his head as he approached from the other side of the yard.

"Hey, little bit. What are you doing out here?"

The nickname made me smile, but the expression masking my face didn't fool him. His eyes narrowed on me as he came closer and they widened with concern. I was swept against my brothers hard chest and felt his firm, yet comforting hand rubbing my back and couldn't help melting into the sense of safety I always found with him.

"I... I told Mom."

"What? Told her what?"

I pushed at his chest, then, wanting him to understand.

"I thought you knew, Nate."

His charcoal eyes narrowed again, but this time, they were filled with confusion.

"You've got to start making sense, Tessa. I have no idea what your talking about."

Closing my eyes, I steeled myself for the second time in the day, knowing I was facing losing yet another one of the people I loved.

Why did it have to be like this?

Why did my preference for women mean I would be judged by those around me, all my life?

Why did it matter?

I was still me.

The me I'd always been, even when I didn't know who that was.

A daughter.

A sister.

A friend.

I was just Tessa.

"It's just me, sis. What is it?"

Twining my fingers together, I'm unsure of how he'll react.

Nate was always my protector, ready to stand up for me whenever I needed him. He was goofy and silly most of the time, always wanting to make those around him smile and laugh. But when it counted, he was there for me.

He'd never let me down.

Why was I doubting that now?

Because he doesn't know my secret.

I'm not the sister he thinks I am.

I don't even know who I am, anymore.

"I'm... I told her I'm gay, Nate."

I wasn't totally sure what I was expecting.

But when he pulls away from me, shakes his head incredulously and his chuckle rumbles deeply from his chest, I frown.

He thinks this is funny?

Asshole.

"This isn't a joke, Nate."

My voice comes out low, annoyance overshadowing the dark emotions that I've felt since dinner. I'm narrowing my eyes on him, but as always, it doesn't phase him.

"I'm not laughing at you, little bit. I'm just relieved that it wasn't something worst." He leans in to hug me but I pushed at his chest, wanting him to understand the gravity of it.

"Nate, I'm gay."

"I'm straight."

"God, can you be serious for once in your life?"

I move off of the low stoop of my parents house and paced the driveway in front of my stupid brother.

Here I was, pouring my heart out to him, saying something I've wanted to for longer than I care to admit and he's laughing at my expense.

Screw him.