Who Am I // justifer

8. Why?

AN: This chapter does contain some very upsetting scenes that some of you guys might be sensitive to. Just a warning💛

You know that feeling when you wake up and you just feel exhausted already, well that's how i felt. Not ready to face another day but i had to. I bury my head into my pillow. I was startled by the buzzing of my phone over and over again, who the fuck is texting me that much. I grab my phone from my night stand squinting my eyes to see who it was, its court.

Court👼🏼|| 7:45am
Jen babes whatever you do, don't switch on your tv please, i love you so much.

I was very confused. What? I don't understand, why not? It intrigues me even more if i'm being honest. I paused for a second and thought whether i should or not. She said not to but it can't be that bad. I get up, wrapping my duvet around my bare body and walk towards the tv. As i switch it on the news pops up automatically. I froze.

BIG NEWS! Brad and Angelina caught kissing last night. Brad and Jen are over?! No one saw this coming.

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have reportedly spilt after a picture of Brad and Angelina was leaked of them kissing.

I furiously switched the channel, my eyes filling with tears.

Brad Pitt cheating rumours spread as he's caught kissing another mysterious woman.

Tears stream down my face. I can't picture him with anyone else. He's suppose to me with me! He loved me, didn't he? I don't want to do this anymore, i'm so tired of being so fucking weak and down all the time. It's like i'm constantly dragging my body everywhere i go.
I'm crying violently at this point and i just see not light anywhere. I walk towards to bathroom and slam it shut. My eyes immediately locked on my razor. I've never felt this way before and i'm scared, it's like a physically can't control what i'm doing. I pick up the razor blade, shaking and crying. I can't see what i'm doing but i don't care. The blade connects with my wrist and i scream in pain. Just one more i kept saying to myself, at the end about 5 deep cuts were left up my right arm. I paused, everything was so quiet. What the fuck am i doing? I stop crying and in anger, i throw the razor to the other end of the bathroom. Feeling so weak, i collapsed on the floor and burst into tears again.

After sitting there for about half an hour, i finally got up and unlocked the bathroom after cleaning my wounds.

My phone was still going off.

Paul || 8:34 am
Jen where are you?

Paul || 8:36
Are you okay? i saw the news.

Paul || 8:37
Jen i'm getting worried and so is Justin, i'm coming round.

No! He can't see me like this.

Me || 8:44
No Paul it's okay, i'm fine i promise. Please dont come, i'm almost there.

I lied. I totally forgot about filming, shit. I rushed as i picked out my clothes. I wore a long sleeved cute dark blue top and some dark blue jeans with brown high boots.

As i ran downstairs, i grabbed my keys and ran out to the car, slamming the door behind me. The car journey seemed like forever.

When i got there, i parked my car just beside my trailer and ran in hoping Paul and Justin didn't see me. Turns out my stylist was already here to get me ready, he did my makeup and hair as quickly in plaits as he could.

"Right so your clothes for today are, a black tank top with some high waisted light blue jeans okay?" My stylist says.

I nod and take them out his hand. I usually get dressed in front of him as we are really close but today I got decided to get dressed in the bathroom as i didn't want him to see me like this.

When i was dressed, i got my own makeup out to cover the scars and luckily, i did a good job. After tidying things up a little, i looked at myself in the mirror and smiled. After, i made my way out the bathroom throwing my other others aside on the couch. As i looked up i got the biggest fright of my life, i thought it was just Chris but apparently not.

"shit" i jumped.

"Justin, hi" i laughed.

"Sorry, i didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to check that you were okay." He smiled.

"Aw well that's very sweet, i'm oka- well i'm better thanks"

"Why don't i believe that?" He questioned.

"hmm i don't know, why don't you?" i joked and walked closer to him.

We just stared at each other.

"We should go come on, they are waiting." i say making my way to the door. Then i felt a sharp pain through my arm. Justin had grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving, as he probably wanted to tell me something. I hissed in pain.

"Oh my god Jen i- i didn't mean to hurt you" he looked confused and let's go.

"Um, no no you didn't don't worry." I tried to say calmly without crying.

Justin lifts up his hands to look at them, he just stared while raising his eyebrows.

"Jen, why- why do you have makeup on your wrist?"

Oh shit, i froze. What the fuck am i suppose to say to that.

"I- I um- I had a bruise and uh i" He cut me off.

"Jen please tell me you didn't"

"Didn't what? Justin i'm fine"

"I can see right through you Jennifer, you're not fine. You're sad, upset and weak. Let me help, please."

"Justin i'm fine!"

"No you're not!"

"You don't even know me okay!" I shouted.

"I fucking know you enough to see that you're not okay and that you need support! Paul told me everything okay, i saw the news."

I hit the ground. Crying my eyes out. Justin quickly wraps his arms around me. As i bury my head into his neck he stroked my hair.

"Hey listen, i'm here okay. You don't need to go through this alone. I promise."

When i lifted my head up, he smiled.

"Alright frizz head?" He laughs.

I was confused at first so he took his phone out and showed me my reflection. We both burst out laughing and my hair was a mess, it was ecstatic from his jumper.

"That's your fault!" i joked and laughed.

We got up and i hugged him again, tight. It was weird, he made me feel, safe? Like brad when we first met.