Antidote

8. Fight or Flight

MADISON
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"She found the colors to paint him where the world had left him gray."
- Atticus."
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I hate planes. I've never liked them, and I never will. I've only flown twice in my whole life. Once with my parents when I was little to visit my great aunt Cathy in Minnesota, and another time with Jace to Hawaii for vacation last summer. Both times I freaked out, but it was okay because I had someone there to hold my hand. Now, I only have my own hand to hold.

I keep telling myself it's worth it. I'll get to see my old friends and finally say goodbye to Kaiden when I land. The thought of seeing the closed casket with Kaiden's body inside makes my stomach churn more than it already is. I can't tell if it's the thought of never touching his warm skin again or the turbulence that's making me sick. Probably a combination of both if I had to guess.

A flight attendant comes by and asks me if I'd like some water and politely decline. I think if I drink anything, it will definitely come back up. The only thing I can't complain about is the view of my window seat. It's not like we're flying over an ocean or anything, but the clouds are beautiful.

When the plane finally lands, the knot in my stomach starts to uncoil, but doesn't completely go away. I'm nervous to see Cameron and Jordan and everyone else. They're all connected to Kaiden. They were his friends before they were mine.

Once I grab my bag from the baggage claim, I start looking for Cameron. He texted me and told me he would be waiting for me by Starbucks.

I spot him immediately and the smile that spreads across my face is almost instant. It's nice seeing a familiar face in a sea of unfamiliar ones. His smile mirrors mine and we don't waste any time embracing each other.

"It's so nice to see you!" I exclaim, my words mumbled by my face being pressed against his hoodie.

"It's been a long time." He laughs.

When we pull away, I see that not much has changed in the two years since I last saw him. I don't think I've changed that much either besides my hair and the fact that I workout and eat healthier now that I'm with Jace.

"I hate that it took these circumstances for me to visit." I say as I help him load my things into the trunk of his car.

"Well, life is hard. I'm not holding any grudges, don't worry." He waves his hand and shuts the trunk.

The first thing I notice is that Cameron doesn't seem as sad as I do. There's no bags under his eyes, his demeanor is calm, and his tone is happy. He's not acting like someone who just lost their best friend, but then again, everyone handles grief differently. Maybe he's just used to losing people. I'd say that's probably what it is given his line of profession.

"Are you hungry? We can stop and grab lunch." He offers and I don't decline. I haven't ate since last night. My nerves were too bad this morning.

I text Jace and tell him I've landed just as we pull into a Panera Bread's parking lot. I know Jace is at work, so it will probably be a while before I hear from him.

The inside of Panera smells like freshly baked bread and my mouth waters at the aroma. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I smelled food. I order a broccoli cheddar soup bread bowl. When I go to pay, Cameron stops me and orders his food, then pays for both of our meals.